Lesson I learnt from my baby: Of being happy

She is happy when she wakes up, I know because she gives me that beautiful smile. So charming, every morning...without fail so far.

She smiles while she is nursing, and giggling at the end of the feeding. She is happy drinking milk only. (She is one happy customer of breast milk :D)

She smiles when she is asleep. Her lips curl up, forming a curve which I love to see. Eyes shut, yet you can feel twinkling eyes behind those lids.

Every little things which I have taken for granted, can make her laugh. An empty box. A plastic saucer. Paper. Tissue. Really, I hope she kept her wonderful taste as she grows up, so I need not to buy those sophisticated toys for her:P

Of course, life with little one does not consist of sunshine without rain. Everyday she cry. When she is hungry. Being left alone in her crib. Fall down. Knock her head. Feel cold. Teething. Too tired.

Yet being with her taught me about the secret of happiness.

I learnt that happiness is a default state, not something you achieve. That's how you got it from the start. You just be. Without any reason to be. You may become unhappy with things that happened, but you can always revert to the zero scale of unhappiness. 

You don't have to wait to be grown up to be happy. You don't have to follow 10 steps to be happy. You don't even have to busy yourself with happiness projects. It's not something you pursue and achieve. 

Now I have no idea why we as an adults come up with those things, and yet we seemed to be so lost on happiness. We found in our pursuit of happiness it becomes something that are so fleeting; the moment you think you got it, it slipped through your hands. And we set on our next endeavor, just to attain that fleeting moments. Talk about the never ending treadmill.

My prayer is that my baby will always have her happy disposition, regardless of what life throw at her. And me as her mom, learn the secret of happiness. Just be, no need to do. How liberating and comforting. It's a gift from God since we are born. Somehow along the way we lost that gift. The state of being happy, without any effort. I found that gift again. It doesn't mean that you never sad, nor in trouble. It doesn't mean your life is smooth cruising without problem. It doesn't even mean that you are always successful, never fail. It just mean that being happy is your default state. Despite whatever bad or sad that has happened, you always have that happiness inside you. Just be, without the needing to be.

I hope you find your birth gift today. I wonder now, is that why we sing Happy Birthday?

Introducing the new topic

First post of the year...on second month of the year...

First of all, happy to share that despite my busyness with moving preparation, taking care of little one, cooking, and household chores, I finally made it to bring Smileybaby to outside activities. Last week we went to our very first MOPS. Smileybaby is so happy (even though she is a happy baby, but I am just happy to see her laughter seeing so many toddlers running around and play; I can tell she was excited:D).

Yesterday we managed (though a bit late) to attend welcome class of the bible study fellowship. I am hoping we can get a place with mothers with infants group. But knowing so many people interested, with limited place, I had surrender to God in prayer. I asked that if God thinks I can really pull it through (by faith, with God's given strength) then let it be that I found a place there. But if not, then I know it means my energy will be needed elsewhere :D

And I can figure out that the energy will goes to...Smileybaby of course.

I have been pondering of homeschooling her. And glad that I am progressing in that direction.

I know I know. It's a scary jump of faith. On one hand, it's my precious daughter life (already I had serious opponents). On the other hand, this mother whose English is not even her native language, having energy level challenge, and yet still, want to do this thing in a foreign country where homeschooling is uncommon.

So I do my reading and research on this thing called homeschooling. I love the process. (I always love researching, esp issues that grab my attention.)

I read somewhere that homeschooler need to figure out why they homeschool. And I can come up with myriad reasons...but I think I need to figure out several that speaks to my heart mostly. And I feel in my journey, to blog it openly will help. Not only as a reflection to what I am doing with my little girl, but also a blessing for those who perhaps like me, thinking hard (and praying hard) yet unsure whether this is the direction to go.

For now, just pray I have that extra energy to do the writing part to share :)

Last post

for this year!

First of all, I would like to say Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.

Second, I would like to use this last post to express gratitude to my Lord...for this year has bring a lot of blessings in my life. As I look back this year, 2012 will be the year that stands out, due to:

1. Smileybaby :)
My firstborn, my beloved daughter. I never thought that despite my health condition, God still choose to give the miracle of birth to me. I remember the first time I was in the midst of my health struggle thinking of what I would like to have when I recover (if is the word used back then). I haven't fully recovered, but God choose to entrusted this little girl into my loving care. I am so grateful.

2. My hubby
I am grateful for our marriage. We've been through sickness and pain, joy and happiness as well. I realize being his wife is one of wonderful blessings in my life. Blessing that I've never expected. Glad that God lead our journey to be together.

3. Hope for new home
We got our key! We will be moving to our new place next year. After moving here and there, it's such a big relief we finally got the place of our own. I pray that this gift of shelter could a home of peace for all who enter in and out.

4. Improved Energy level
I am extremely grateful for this one. Though I have not fully recovered yet, the pregnancy and breastfeeding hormones somehow helps to improve my energy level. I think the only time it gotten worse is only during the third trimester and of course, after delivery. But apart from that, I am coping with this new motherhood. Which I have no idea but faith to do in the beginning. God is faithful. All our concerns and worries (whether I can be strong enough to take care of my baby) is being addressed by God. My energy level improved, so I can take care of my little one. She is growing well and healthy. Of course, my daily activities are not perfectly done, but I am glad the essentials are done. Remember my last idea about prioritizing my activities due to the limited energy level? Well, it serves me really well with motherhood. I will be sharing this point sometime in the future, again, when my energy level permits:)

5. Supply of milk
Glad that God still supply milk through me for my baby. I pray that I can continue breastfeeding till the time is up :) In the beginning the breastfeeding process is really tough. Pain, bleeding, you name it. But after hanging on for sometime, eventually my body get used to it. And that really brings change, especially now I can enjoy  Smileybaby even more. She loves to smile, every morning before drinking, and at the end of the feeds. Such a great motivation for mommy.

Well that's the short list for this year. What are your list of thanksgiving for this year?

Lord, thank You for this year, for Your presence, for Your blessings. In Jesus' name. Amen.:)

Thanksgiving Thursday: Unexpected Christmas Present

This is a thanksgiving post which has been delayed for sometime. Anyway, I still want to share this surprise news to everybody.

It's been my dream to publish book, but ever since I started on my writing journey, I realized I have a lot to learn before doing that. However, several months ago our church launched a project of poems and pictures book. As a part of mercy ministry, the book is to encourage people in their walk of faith as they facing struggles in life.

At first, I was hesitated to send my poems. First of all, as you all who read this blog know, it had been a long time since I write a new poem. So yeah, I only have my old 5 poems (which fortunate enough to be recorded here in the blog, otherwise I don't have poems at all). So I don't know whether a pre-published poems (even though only in my personal blog) can be selected. Second, of course, English is not my native language. So in a way, the poems are more of the expression of lessons I learnt and emotions I shed instead of the correct grammatical presentations. But after some moments of hesitation, I decided to sent all of them anyway, thinking that who knows out of 5 perhaps one or two can make the cut. And even if all of them don't make it, at least I tried :)

Then come the good news, all of my 5 poems are admitted :) God is gracious. I have been wanting to share this good news with you, but I think once I got the book it will be more fun:D The church decided to launch the book on Christmas day, as a Christmas present to all. Sadly, on that day I was not feeling well, so I haven't even got my copy until now! (I hope this Sunday I can get it :D). But thanks to my dear friend (www.christinetjia.com), I got the pic of the cover even before I get a hold on the book itself.

The book is now sold at the price just to cover the production cost, for the main purpose of the book is to bless people. The book consists of collection of wonderful pictures and inspiring poems, contributed by some of the member of the church.

I am grateful to God that He gave me the opportunity to be involved in this wordsmith ministry. He gave me an unexpected Christmas present. Ever since I fall sick, I realized my dream of writing might be as well tucked away. I have struggle only with basic living activities, and writing certainly drains a lot of energy. But He is gracious. He opened opportunities for me that I never experienced before, and I do not even plan or search for it. He surely make my motto of writing comes true for me. And I hope, it comes true for you in this holiday season.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year :)

Thank You Lord for this unexpected gift...which remind me of your greatest gift, which come unexpectedly. Thank You for everything:)

P.S.: If you also have wonderful thanksgiving experience, why don't you drop by http://thanksgiving-thursday.blogspot.com to post your story. Or just to drop by to read other thanksgiving stories this season. Soli Deo Gloria!

Sun ray on my wall

I wake up this morning (as usual, on wee hours) and was given grace by God to do something I've been wanting to do. Even though it's a step of faith, and I prayed that God would help me from making mistake, I feel it's a wonderful baby step I take. However, today I noticed something which I never been aware before.

As I finished my typing, and when I look up, suddenly I caught a burning sign on my wall. Apparently it's one ray of sun, somehow it appeared for a moment (and I could grab my cell phone to capture it). Just a moment after I took the picture, it's gone. Now my whole room is full of morning sun light, defeating the lamp light with its sunny yellow tone.

Somehow this small gesture of nature sign was a good reminder for me. There were so many times when I feel like facing the wall (thick, high, and impenetrable), especially with my weaknesses now. But witnessing the way God creates the morning has really make my day. He can shine a piece of sun ray on my wall, and even though it's just for a moment, it's a sign of greater light to come.

I hope I always remember the sun ray on my wall...so that my focus is not on the wall (no matter how thick or high or impenetrable it is), but on the sun ray, for it's a sign of greater light to come.

Thank you Lord Jesus...what a beautiful reminder of Your ever present help in time of needs. Help me to remember the sun ray on my wall, is a sign of Your greater light to come. Amen.

Thanksgiving Thursday: Things You Never Gave Me

I've been wanting to join the blogging chain of Thanksgiving posting every Thursday held by http://hanshinta1.blogspot.com/. But yeah, never got a chance (energy more precisely) to do it. But today, despite my weakness, as I read her blog, I got reminded of the long time post (in my mind) which I've been waiting to write. (well, it still postponed another week, I just need the extra strength to finish this post:P)

So many times we give thanks to God for the things He gave us. Yes, I am grateful for everything He has given to me. But we often forget to thank Him for the things He never gave us. There are many incidents, when I looked back, I am grateful that He never gave me the things I wanted or desired at that time. It's been a tough journey, and all I can say when disappointment and sadness happen is only the word : "Why?" However, knowing Him and learning His lessons all these times has taught me that nothing happened without His knowing or purpose. And for every big calamities He allows to cross my path of life, He has good purposes in His mind. It might not be of my personal interest though, but it certainly for good. And just some time ago I found a beautiful song by David Meece which lyrics speak exactly what I have (over and over again) in my heart. (I attached this beautiful song for you at the end of this post).

So yeah, I would like to remind myself things He never gave me (since it's quite long, I would like to mention couple things which I am reminded over and over again to be grateful:D).

Lord, thank You for not let me born in a Christian family.

I used to envy those who do, thinking that they have a smoother sailing Christian life.

Not to mention the privilege to know you early.

No struggle just to go to worship service every week, to be involved in ministry

Nor the decision to be baptized

But now looking back, I am so grateful that you put me in my family

Though I am not born into a Christian family

I still got a chance to attend children church

And all those years when I struggle in my faith

All those tears of heart ache and discouragement

Can only be sweet milestones to show who You are

I thank You for this thing You never gave me

Yet You are not giving up on me

I can't imagine my faith journey without this very thing You never gave me

Lord, thank You for not giving me the scholarship for graduate studies

It's been a desire for me too continue my study last time

After all the long process of exams and applications

I ended up with an offer but without the scholarship

I had to make tough decision

Should I take the offer and apply for study loan

Or should I let go the offer and start all over again

I looked into Your word and consult Your wisdom

Despite the heartache of long process I bear

Despite good supports from my friends who's willing to sponsor me

Despite my long time desire to learn

I said no and move on, because Your word say so

Today I am so grateful that I didn't take the loan route

Everyday I give thanks to You that Your word protected me

And up until today, I have learnt so many things I wanted to learn before

Had I taken the post grad study, I might not learn what I've learnt today

I can't imagine my learning path without this very thing You never gave me

I still have my lists of things He never gave me...some are major, some are minor. All are the things I am so grateful for. Hopefully one day I can share again on this Thanksgiving post. But for now (two is enough and way too long already I think), let's sing and give thanks to Him for the things He never gave us:D

P.S: Kindly visit other bloggers who published their Thanksgiving Thursday posts here:

http://hanshinta1.blogspot.com/2011/10/thanksgiving-thursday-list-week-6-27.html#disqus_thread

The best wine

Today I happened to chat with one of my old college mate and somehow in response to his question I shared with him one of the lessons God taught me sometimes ago. I have been wanting to share the lessons with you as well, but as usual the energy took control. But I think today, after having a nice lunch, I want to gather my remaining energy to write down this wonderful lesson which I've just shared. Hope this lesson can help you in your journey with the Lord :)

"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser." ~ John 15:1

Thus the beginning of the passage regarding Jesus as the True Vine. So many times we read about this passage and meditate about the role of Jesus as the True Vine and we as His branches. Well, today, I would like to take our focus to Our Heavenly Father. But this post won't focus on Father's work on pruning the branches so that we may bear more fruit. But it's more down to the Father's aim as a vine dresser and our circumstances.

I learnt this lesson when I was watching a TV series (yupe, God can even speak to you when you are watching :D). In one of the scene, a wine expert explained that in order to create the best wine, the top tier grapes needed to be planted in such a harsh condition. Conditions such as sand, gravels, and small rocks environment, under an intense sunlight. Under such dry condition, the grape will work harder to maintain the moist, thus create an intense taste for the grape. On the other hand, if the condition is too good for the grape, it would be focusing on the leaves and stems, rather on the fruit. So good condition may not bring a good fruit at all. In short, the worst soil yields the best wine.

Now we know that Jesus is the True Vine, the best vine ever. And Our Heavenly Father is the vine dresser, who aim for the fruit. And He is not only interested in the quantity of the fruits produced, but the quality as well.

And that bring us to the first lesson today. Ever found yourself in a "harsh & dry condition"? Wondering how it will ever help you in growing? You see, a vine dresser not only has a good intention, He has to be involved in cultivating the grapes so that it can bring good yield. Not only He knows the grapes well, He also knows the best condition to help the grapes produce its yield. And He wants the best wine after all. That's why He planted such best vine in such harsh condition.

Given such truth, let us remind ourselves that when we found ourselves planted in the dry environment, God's intention is always to bring the best in us. To produce the 'intense flavor' which only the best wine in the world can have. It's not comfortable, and certainly nobody wants to find themselves in such harsh condition. However, it's the only way to create the best wine. (besides the best vine of course:D)

On a personal note, currently I found myself in a situation which I don't want. Not only harsh and dry, I am also helpless. But knowing the growth is coming from the vine, all I need to do is to abide in Him. It's Jesus who bring forth the fruit, not us the branches. This truth bring us to the second lesson.

More often than not, we thought that abide in Jesus would bring us to better place. You know, when the skies are blue, the gate of heaven open and blessings pour down upon us. But from the lesson today I learnt that in order to produce the best wine, the vine dresser will plant the vine in the harsh condition. And when we, as His branches, stick to the Vine, we will somehow found ourselves in the same condition. Yeah, that same harsh and dry condition.

When we found ourselves in such condition, we can find enormous reasons that caused us to be in such position in the first place. Not to say those are not valid reasons. But even though those are all valid reasons, I still believe God who is in control will allow even worst thing to happen for a reason. So the second lesson taught me to never ever forget that once we are committed to follow Him, to abide in Him, the journey has to bring us to such condition. God is in control after all and He is indeed exercising His control. Sometimes it's not even the pruning act that He is doing. He simply put the vine in the 'best' condition to grow. For us, it's the worst condition, because all we could think of are our leaves and stems which are not growing a lot. But for Him, His aim is the best fruits.

Are you on your way to yield the best wine?

Father, my vine dresser, thank You for teaching me this lesson and reminded me again today. I know You are in control, even when the situation seemed out of control. Give me strength to abide in Jesus always. And help me to remember always that through this harsh condition, what You aim is to produce the best wine. Help me to yield to Your will, so my yield eventually would be what You want in the first place. In Jesus' mighty name I pray, Amen.

Of Twists and Turns

Today I come to realize something. I need to write this down so that it can be a reminder for myself of how God works in my life.

As I have been struggling with pain for the past one year, I still keeping up hope that somehow, sometime, I will be able to get rid of this pain. Thus my journey of finding the way out begin.

It started with frustration I would say. Been to so many doctors and can't find a clue. But when I finally found out, still the remedy is not easy.

After journeying from 'can't find a right doctor', till find no one willing to do the surgery, finally by God's grace, I am able to locate another doctor in another continent which I hope could do something. And it takes almost 1 year already.

And if you think how come it took so long, I would have to testify that I am very very blessed. Because I know lots of fellow sufferers spends 15, 20, even up to 30 years suffering without knowing the causes, and thus, sinking deep in pain without helps.

So yeah, I would say by the grace of God, I was still persevering, despite setbacks, and eventually, my hubby & I planned to visit this doctor. We planned for sometime already (as you know, visiting another country is not as easy as book and go).

However, things not turning up easy...first the transit town got hit by quake. We have to relocate our stay elsewhere.

And today comes the shocking news. The doctor's place, which I am scheduled to visit next week, was hit by tornado yesterday.

At first I confused, and somehow hoping that the doctor and his family will be alright. But I realize it could be another possible delay again. So far I have no idea, I am still waiting for the response from the doctor's office.

I still don't know how it will turns out. But one thing for sure, I will set my hope upon my God. Despite setbacks, twists, or turns, I believe there must be reasons for everything. Even when things don't go according our plan.

It could be miracle in the making. I am the living testimony of HIS great faithfulness.

Lord, I have no idea what Your plan is. But my heart is set on You, prepared my heart and body. Please protect the doctor's family, as well as the people there who got hit by the tornado. In Jesus' mighty name I pray, Amen.

Yay! I found it!

Ok, short posting here. After dabble for a while (months actually), one simple question that keep nagging me is that where does it comes from? (a.k.a. the source)

And today, while I am reading articles, voila! I found it ! (it just clicked in my head)

Good news: Found the source! Even more good news: it's the old old source of problem (nothing's new, it's been there all these time, how come I am not thinking to look at it in the first place?)

Ok, the best part: I'm more than determined as before to get rid of these! Now that I found the source...

Thank You Lord:D You know how to make me happy even with such tiny thing:)

Change

This morning I wake up with kinda good feeling...after awful pain last night.

So yeah, I am thinking of listing different things happened in my life now. Just for fun to see (since I am really unmotivated to do my journal entries).

1. Happiness is able to do small daily chore without giving myself pain and fatigue afterwards.

This one is rarely happened. My cycle of fatigue and pain come and go. There are good days, and not so good days. Good days unfortunately not as long as not so good days. But when it comes, I am so grateful. Living normally. But I have to remind myself not to work as normal LOL, so that I won't get myself into trouble afterwards. So today, after done some cooking and cleaning, I reminded myself to stop. Even though the list to do is still piling up. I learn to be grateful to God that at least, I can do some small things. That I would consider 'achievement' already :)

2. Thinking in terms of energy, and not time.

This is new habit. Kinda strange in the beginning. But now as my condition improved since I learn to pace myself, I really have to get into discipline to think, "Will I have energy to do that?" So yeah, not much left after the basics: eating, sleeping, bathing, cleaning. For those who may not realize, even resting and sleeping need energy. I have to make sure my battery not goes down way too low that I have no energy to recover. Strange but very important. This is my survival kit 101 :D.

3. Planning NOT to plan.

Ok, this is the hardest for me. I used to be a planner, and I love to finish thing within 'deadlines'. I always have to do list mentally (though I love to jot it down even more and then put a tick done after I finished it). In the beginning of my illness, I still tried to do it. But after failing miserably, I throw away my list and learn a new skill of living :) Living unplanned is new skill which is hard to master. Though of course, I still plan for my recovery. It just that is no longer down to day to day basis. I am happy if I can go through step by step in months basis. But I think I have to settle on yearly basis. For my own good, of course :)

4. Simple pleasures are things enjoyable which cost low energy and result in moderate fun.

Nothing extreme here. Trying even good extremes have thrown me back in fatigue circle more often. So yeah, moderate fun is what I am aiming now :D

I think maybe this is the only thing which is still part of my life. I enjoy reading (and yeah, my reading list has been changing a lot lately). Listening to songs (oldies is good for my memory exercise- not that I love to be reminded how old I am, but how I can still remember despite my short term memory trouble).

Other more energy consuming hobbies has to wait in line : singing (now and then, but not on the long run), writing (yeah, blogging included :P).

One thing which now I include in my fun thing to do: Sleeping. Why? (guess my fellow sufferers would know: - it's a luxury for us to be able to fall asleep, and even better, if we can wake up refreshed.) So yeah, for me, if I can fall asleep, no nightmares, and wake up refresh, it's one of the best thing in life now :)

Yeah, this is my prayer today, for those who suffered the same as me, I hope you have a wonderful sleep today. Happy sleeping friends:D May God take away your nightmares :)

Ok, talk about sleeping, now I need to go to take my nap:) So this blog post will be continued... see ya :)

Struggles

Hi my long 'abandoned' blog...

Well, actually I am not totally abandoning it...knowing that I've been thinking of doing major revamp, of the content and display...or simply quit.

If you've been following my previous post, you know now I have been battling major illness issue, which is very debilitating. I don't know how long I will be recover...or if I will ever recover.

However, being plunged into such journey does give me lots of meditation and lesson, and I am just wondering should I simply write a blog post or maybe expand it longer. When I have the energy, of course :)

SO many things I want to write...and so little energy to accommodate :) Means I have to learn to prioritize...

One of the things I've been thinking is to change to theme of this blog. All this time, I have written my meditation and spiritual lessons which I have learnt as a commemoration of God's love and work in my life.

No, I don't want to change that yet. I still think it should be written.

But on the other hand, I have other issues I would love to write about, especially now I have 'invisible' illness :P I think maybe the sharing of my journey with God can be a blessings for those who found themselves, like me, suddenly dumped into the journey of nightmares, with no warning before.

However, I don't want my posts to be an endless ranting or complaints. I guess this is just me. Yeah, it's painful and sometimes can be very frustrating, but I still think, God is good, even when my condition is not good. So yeah, there will be post on my bad situations, but certainly, I can't wait to share God's goodness in the midst of all of these.

Bear with me my friend, when I have another burst of energy, I will come back and write. I can't promise it will be regular, but yeah, I am not giving up yet (still by the grace of God).

Till we meet again...:)

9 Spiritual lessons from Toy Story 3

Finally, got a chance to watch Toy Story 3 with my hubby the other night :). Such a wonderful surprise date night done by my hubby:)

Anyway, since I used to watch Toy Story & Toy Story 2, I am super thrilled to find there will be the final version of it. (dunno whether they would be tempted to do the fourth installment like Shrek or not).

And this is will be my first post about 'other' ramblings.

Watching the movie makes me laugh...a lot:D Yet there are touching moments, and I realized the moment I walked out of the movie theater, there are some spiritual lessons which we can learn from Toy Story 3.

SPOILER-WARNING: If you haven't watched, better go watch before you read further. If you have watched, let's check it out:

1. Every being has its own purpose, defined by its Maker.

Even toy has its own purpose. And if toy, which made by human being has its own purpose and destiny, wouldn't us as the human being has? And the purpose and destiny is not something it invented by itself, but given by its Maker. Toys are made to be with the human owner.

2. The purpose is to be there for the Owner, not only to be played with.

I am really struck when I heard this statement (who says toy have no spiritual wisdom? :P) I guess we can say that toy's happiest and most fulfilling moment is when they got played by the owner (play in a good way of course, not damaging ways). However, they realized being toy does not mean being played all the time. There will be playing times and there will be non-playing times with the owner.

In spiritual realm, most of us thrilled when we are 'used' by God. When we are able to fulfill our most longing desire, which most would equate serving the Lord in a fruitful ministry. However, we do not realize that in the first place, we are created to "be there" for Him. Serving is part of our relationship with Him, but it is not the main thing. The main thing is that we are created for Him and to be with Him. So if today, you don't feel that you are 'being played with', do not be discouraged. Do not even trade the thrill of 'being played with" (a.k.a. success in ministry) with 'being with' (a.k.a. abide with Him). Even a toy can learn to accept this wonderful truth :)

3. The destiny seemed to be better for independence in the first place, but eventually, to be with your rightful Owner is the best destiny of all.

Contrary to the toy, we are not rejected or neglected by our God in the first place. However, we are being lied to (by the enemy) about His intention toward us. The similarity here is the response. Reacting to the rejection (or even the misunderstanding of the rejection), the toys choose the independence way.

"I will learn to care for my own, no need to cling to my Owner anymore."

"No owner, no heartache."

Sounds familiar? In the beginning, and even up this point, human race has chosen the same path. Independence from the rightful Owner. And look how terrible condition we found ourselves in. Just like the toy which found themselves in horrible condition without its owner, we can also see ourselves there. Our independence bring worse destiny than what we hope for in the beginning. (I really wonder why the toys reflect our condition so much, may be because we're the one who created it? :P)

4. It is never too late to return to your Owner, even when you had made a wrong decision to leave Him.

OK, the owner of the toys do not know the toys made a decision to leave Him. But our Owner does. However, we can learn that it is never too late to return from the toys. Hey, if a toy can feel sorry and return, what about us?

5. Beware of dwelling in the heartache, because the root of bitterness may take place in your heart.

If you watch the movie, you will certainly know this is the reason of the main villain choose to be evil. His heartbreak over the disappointment with his owner caused him to be a villain.

6. Bitterness is contagious; when you choose to feed on your bitterness, it is not only affecting you and your own world view, it is also affecting the people around you as well.

The main villain demonstrated the effect of contagious bitterness. Because of his bitterness, he caused so many toys lived in heartache and misery. How about us?

7. There is always hope, even on the verge of hell.

This one referring to the most tense scene in the movie. The toys are at the brink of fire. The fire somehow reminds me of hell. And we learnt that the toys almost didn't make it to survive. Yet they survived, because...

8. To be saved from hell, you can not rely on your own, you need help from above.

Somebody saved them from above. The toys trying hard to save themselves, even to the point of pulling each other, but the force which bring them to the fire is greater than their own power to run from it. Finally, they realized they come to an end of themselves, and ready to face the destruction. However, help comes right on time. One of their friend is out way up there, from above. Yup, the help is from 'above' :) (we also have Friend in the high place-you know, and He'll save us from the fiery hell as well, right on time :)).

9. What looks good on the outside, may not be good inside.

The main villain outer part is soft, and he love to hugs a lot too. And smell wonderfully good (strawberry). Yet, on the inside, he is mean and bitter. Guess we can't judge toy from its appearance, can we?

OK, I ended here, but I am looking forward for those who have watched to add on the lessons above. Any spiritual lessons you learn from the movie? Kindly add, I am waiting for your comments :))

The falls that lead to salvations

After the continuous changes, big and small, huge and tiny, it seemed to me I come to a hiatus.

No, I am not forgetting about this little blog :)

I just run through too many things lately, changing of status and living place seemed taken toll on my time and energy. When I finished all my duty, I have lack of energy to simply sit down, think, and write. Write!

Anyway, there's lots of lesson I got lately. One particular I want to share is the one I got when with my (newlywed) husband, we (finally, after scheduling it for sometime) manage to visit a church friend. Her mother was fell just several weeks before our big day and injured badly.

Actually, I had not much expectation, except to encourage and pray when we plan to go there. My husband pointed out that this is the first visit we ever made to a local family so far. It's a beautiful furnished place. Very homey and very comfy, with the bright white colour as the main theme.

Surprise surprise (yes, God still got lots of surprises these days), instead of encouraging, we're encouraged instead, well, at least for me.

At first glance, my friend's mom didn't look different from other moms that I know. However, after chit chat for a while, I learned a wonderful lesson from the LORD.

She had a bad fall previously. The first time she fell, years ago, she lost her eye sight. Her right eyes remained blind due to the broken retina, and her left eyes, after several surgeries, could only see dimly. I tried to imagine how she figured our face when she shared about her eye sight. I didn't think I can, even though I also had astigmatism myself. One thing is really struck me is that she was a nurse. Imagine a nurse which such eye sight kept on working to feed her family. She shared that not long, due to her illness and her family problem, she became depressed. Really depressed. However, she gave thanks, because out of that dark moments, she came to know Jesus as her Lord and Saviour. Call that miracle number one.

Then, a couple of weeks before our wedding, she fell again. This time, she broke her arm and leg, made her confined to bed in hospital (and then, her house) for some time. This time, she shared, God had another plan. As the worst patient in her ward (0f 6 elders), somehow, she is the source of help and encouragement for other patients. Her joyful attitude attracted other patients, which were amazed that despite her worse condition compared to them, she was far more joyful than them. She shared with them that because she had Jesus, even though she had through such pain, she still had the joy in her heart. Due to her living testimony, several came to know the Lord. Later, when she had to go to physiotherapy hospital for regular exercise, she also became a testimony that helped other elders. Well, there goes miracle number two.

One thing that really encourages me is that she is so enthusiastic sharing about her life events, testifying how God has intention, despite her falls. I was reminded with this verse right away:

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.- Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

It is so comforting to know, that the LORD is able to work even through such devastating falls to become a way to salvation for so many people.

Which made me wonder...

When we go through difficulties, either in our body, or in our situation, instead of looking for remedy right away, have we first and foremost, look for God's plan in the first place? God is certainly not planning for our falls or calamities, but He certainly has a good plan even in the midst of such unfortunate events.

Miracle of His faithfulness

Today, I almost shed a tear again...

Of witnessing God's miraculous faithfulness in my life.

It started a week ago, when we attended a spiritual conference, discussing topic of Sermon from Jesus, about generosity and giving. I realized there is a nudge in my heart regarding a particular missionary friend of mine who happened to be in town.

Usually, it is a simple affair, for me just to give, but these days, not so simple anymore...since I am engaged and we are committed to be open to each other about our finances.

So I told my fiance (who happened to sit next to me that night) about the nudge in my heart, and as God works in my heart, God works in his heart too :)) We quickly pray and come with a plan of sum and way to deliver.

Unfortunately, my missionary friend would be in town only for 2 days left, and both of us (me and my fiance) was very busy with our schedule. We have some difficulties regarding how to deliver the money; but thank God, my fiance managed to get up earlier on Friday morning, on his way to deliver our invitation cards, he managed to meet my friend and deliver to her. (I am just way too busy and tired to even meet her).

That was about a week ago, and both of us been grateful for the opportunity to give regardless our situation (we are busy in the midst of moving house and preparing our wedding which now are 2 weeks away by the way).

Then it happened that 2 days ago, my fiance got an extra amount in his salary transfer. Today, he realized the amount as he read the announcement letter from his boss. He shared with me that the amount is EXACTLY the amount we gave to our missionary friend. And all within 1 week. We committed to give on last week Wednesday, we received the extra salary transfer on this Wednesday. My fiance delivered the money on last Friday, he realized on the exact amount given back to us today. (today is Friday, a week later :D)

God is wonderful, for my fiance has just started to work several months in this company. He was never told in advance there is such thing called quarterly performance bonus. I am not even aware there is such thing called quarterly bonus (the usual practice that I know that an employee at least have to work for a full year to be entitled of any bonus payment, and always paid later). But one thing for sure, God is faithful, beyond our ability to comprehend.

Even when we learn to give an amount which is quite essential for us since we are preparing for our wedding day, He showed us that He is still in control, of our living and our beloved friend's living, and of course, His work on this earth. How am I able to convey my gratefulness, not mainly for the blessings He bestowed on us, but especially, for the chance to witness His faithfulness in our lives and the opportunity to part take in His work through our lives?

HALLELUJAH!

Comfort words

Though the mountains be shaken
And the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,
says the Lord, who has compassion on you. - Isaiah 54: 10 (NIV)

Been high and low recently... trying to figure out all the changes that occured in my life...
...spiritually, physically, emotionally...

After months of thinking and drifting ... praying and pleading...

I realize some simple truth...

I haven't really grasp the love of God...

I mean...I know He loves me, but living a life out of His love for me and His love in me...

Yesterday there was a verse that caught my attention:

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. - Ephesians 5:1-2 (NIV)

I realized I can only live a life of love as He did, when I come to full realization that I am a loved child of my Father in heaven.

He's been good, too good to me, as a Father, while I am often drifting in the sea of doubt due to my circumstances. Questions come and go, but how do I tell that after all these years with HIM.... He is the One who is unwavering, yet I am the one who is so fickle.

Then the popular verse of Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) strucked me:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I realize there are new comforts as I read this verse. (as usual, some popular verse seemed too familiar to us that we often missed out the best meaning of it.)

First and foremost, I take my comfort in the part : For I know. The best part of this verse is not laying in the fact that the plans are to prosper and not to harm, to give hope and future. I realized today, the best part of the verse is that HE KNOWS. He knows all the details, the good and the bad, the right and the wrong in our lives. Yet He proclaimed: I know. I know. I know. I took comfort in His assuring acknowledgement.

Second, the planS. :D I used to think that God only has 1 plan for each of us. I realized I was wrong. He simply stated, He has plans. Not only ONE plan, but PLANS. I am so glad He has plans, not just plan for my future.

I may have a long way to go to live as His beloved child. Yet I take comfort in His promise. He knows and He has plans. It's enough :)

Thank You Lord, for your comforting word of truth :D

~in the midst of anxiety about the future~

Wake up call: True Life

This morning, I was awaken by the answer of a question that has long ago been occurred in my heart.

Sometimes, this happened, when I have a good sleep at night, and wake up by thoughts about God. But of course, it's not something that happened to me everyday so far. And this morning, not only I am awaken by this wonderful thought, but also it awakened the "sleep from blogging" in me all this time :P

It's funny how the train of thoughts can really bring you to. But if this is how the Holy Spirit is teaching me, surely I have no complaint but thanksgiving for His wonderful teaching.

I was awaken by the thoughts about Mary and Martha in the first place. For you who want to know their stories which I was reminded about, kindly refer to Luke 10: 38-42. There, our Lord Jesus made a comment about Mary, who had chosen one thing that is needed, in comparison to Martha who was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. This very choice, which was demonstrated by Mary's sitting at the Lord's feet listening to what He said, was commented by Jesus as something that is better and will not be taken away from her.

Then it occurred to me that what Jesus meant is about life. True life that comes from Jesus alone. I was amazed to find out that Apostle John made it so clear in the gospel he wrote. Oh, I wake up and read the Book of John to search for all the passages that mention life, and there are so many that he wrote, with such understanding that comes from a man that has known the life himself. He started in the beginning of his book with:

"In Him was life, and that life was the light of men."- John 1:4 (NIV)

and it continues...

"...that everyone who believes in Him may have eternal life." - John 3:15 (NIV)

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. " - John 3:16 (NIV)

"Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him." - John 3:36 (NIV)

"...but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." - John 4:14 (NIV)

and so much more. I realized that I can't paste it all here. I invite you to go and seek for yourself in the book of John. It doesn't matter which version of translation you are using. I am using NIV here, but you can search other version (KJV, NASB, ESV, etc.).

The verse that I think describe Mary's choice best is:
"I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." - John 5:24 (NIV)

The verse that explained the source of life is:
"For as the Father has life in Himself, so He has granted the Son to have life in Himself." - John 5:26 (NIV)

And this is the very rebuke, which Jesus said to the Jews of His days, but may apply to us as well:
"You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life." - John 5:39-40 (NIV)

Jesus even describe Himself as the Bread of Life in John 6, to explain this further.There are passages over passages which describe about Jesus as life Himself, more than the verses that I paste in this posting.

And for this particular verse, which was my initial question in the beginning, which becomes clearer and clearer for me.

"...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10b (NIV)

I realized that maybe this verse is one of the verses that is most often quoted yet most often misunderstood regarding the meaning. I have heard some of the interpretation of this verse, but my heart keep on questioning, what is it that You mean, Lord?

Some described the life here as life after death, which equates the salvation of mankind, as the result of Christ's death and resurrection. Others described it as life that has been redeemed, that once we are in Christ, we are new creations, continually renew in holiness and service to God. Some others even describe it as all the good things God give to His children, the blessings of life that fulfill the needs of the men, such as healing, wealth, etc. All of these interpretation are to some point explain what we got in Him; yes, we have assurance of salvation, and yes, our life is redeemed and therefore we grow in holiness, and yes, we have a Father in heaven who is care for us and supply all our needs. However, these are not what this verse mean.

Life that is mentioned here is refer to Jesus Himself. He IS our life. And only in HIM we can truly have life to the full. Referring back to all that John has written about life in previous passages, we know that Jesus' message is that He Himself is the life for humankind.The everlasting life Himself. And this particular message is carried out until the end of Book of John.

This is the most clear verse regarding the eternal life that Jesus has promised:
"Now this is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." - John 17:3 (NIV)

And even Apostle John himself testified the reason of his writing the Gospel of John, that is:
"But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." - John 20:31 (NIV)

As a closing, I want to quote another popular verse, which I hope, through all of the explanation above, may give a deeper understanding to you, when you read:
"Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - John 14:6 (NIV)

Indeed, Jesus Himself is the life. Do you have this life?

Father God, thank You for showing me the meaning of the truth in Your word. Indeed, You are good and Your mercies endures forever. You give understanding to those who seek You. Let this truth inscribed in my heart so that Your truth become flesh in my life. Thank You for giving us life Himself. In the name of life Himself, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.

How am I able to say thanks?

Dear Lord,

Thank You, for all You've done in my life. Please forgive me of my sin. When I am just running away, and simply drop everything because I am just no longer have the strength...You sent Your rescues, prayer, love, care, in a way that capture my heart and restore my mind.

Forgive me, Lord, for my unbelieving heart.

I love You...help me to love You more, the way You do.

In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Thank You Lord

Starting yesterday, I'd just come to realization, how much God loves me.

For the past half year, I have been working hard, trying hard to make a way out of my difficult and complicated situation. Each time, the more I tried, the harder I hit the wall. And as my faith grow weak, my walk with HIM grow weaker. I simply living day by day without any passion for not knowing where I am heading.

Till last night, I realized...and as I pondered upon God's faithfulness along these years. How miraculously He delivered me each time in the past. How wonderful His providence. Even so, when my situation seemed so hopeless...for the first time I feel and experience the Father heart of God.

I thank God that He closed every door that I tried for the past half year. I am SO grateful He did it for my goodness, for my future. For the sake of keeping me in line with the truth of HIS word. For setting a biblical foundation for my life and my future.

For people who may have observing a fraction of my life, they may say,"Where is your God?"

But deep in my heart I know, seeing the big picture, I can testify boldly,"This is surely the Protecting hands of My God." How grateful I am to be loved by such Great God.

My Father, my Father in heaven, thank You so much for protecting me. I didn't know how foolish I am, that You purposely closing every door to protect me. Thank You, for the time where I am simply lose faith and fall away, You are still faithful. Please forgive me for my unbelieving heart and sinful thoughts. I confess my sin before You. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank You so much for Your peace, that You pour in my heart today. You are indeed a wonderful Father. Thank You, for allowing me to taste the loving hand of You, Father. In Jesus' wonderful name, I give thanks and pray. Amen.

Unexpected Encouragement

I always amazed of how God is able to speak into my life unexpectedly...especially of encouragement in due season.

Lately I have been reminded (by reading most of the time) of how I am supposed to respond especially when I face difficulties in life. I need to strengthen myself out of my true identity in Christ. Not of what I own, but Who owns me instead.

Strangely, today...as I embarked on a daily journey...I encountered unexpected encouragement.

As I was about to top up my train ticket, a stranger who was ahead of me turned around and asked me how to buy her one way ticket from an automated machine. Facing a beautiful lady who is far older than me (my guess is that she probably as old or maybe even older than my mother), I tried to explain as clear and concise as possible. She finally managed to get her ticket. She left once she got her ticket. I continued to do what I need to do, purchased my own ticket. Though we were not heading the same direction, we all ended on the same train. Then, when we met again in the train, she started to talk to me. I politely asked her where she came from. Same country as I did. As our short conversation continued, she could guess perfectly (the first time for all!) of my work specialization and even my faith. (so all I could do is only nodding in disbelief...this is really strange...is my face that easy to be guessed? :)) To my surprise, she encouraged me to continue on the path I took, with a reminder of who I am in God. She said that there is a light in us, as believers, which eventually would make us stand out from others. Therefore, we need to be confident in facing anything, especially when we take chance and face challenges. A positive attitude. Have faith in God. Pray to HIM. And she kept on repeating this simple short message: "Be confident. Shine differently among others, for in you there is God's light." Since we have to depart in the midst of her journey, I continued to show her the next direction to help her continue her own journey. Before she departed, she repeated her message to me: "Be confident! Don't forget to be confident!" Smiling, she went on her way and along the way I could only nodding, and not even remember to say thanks or ask for name of this wonderful stranger.

Now, as I sit down and ponder...I can't help to wonder...could she be an angel? Or just a simple stranger who God send across my path to encourage me? All I can say is that, on the moment I needed the most, and expected the least, God reminded me of HIS assurance, and reminded me of what I need to do: be confident, for His light is in me. "His light which make us eventually a winner"....quoting encouragement from the stranger I met today.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you very much for the unexpected encouragement I got today. Bless the messenger You sent on my way. Help me to be confident in you, for Your light is in me. Let Your light shine through me so that everyone who sees may glorify my Father in Heaven. In Jesus' mighty name I pray. Amen.

Words in due season

In the midst of my struggle, I come across this wonderful truth:

"Do not try to get some kind of a 'plan' from God for your life, so you can start working on it! If you work on your plan, you will very likely spoil it! Or God may spoil it for you! You need only to know that God has a plan for your life, get to know His voice, do His will today and every day, and commit yourself into the hands of a loving God, and a very capable Predestinator. As you walk in God's will, you cannot miss God's intention for your life. And as you present yourself to Him a 'living sacrifice' -- you will learn to walk in His ways, and come to know His voice more clearly (see Rom 12:1,2)." - George H. Warnock.

Thank You Jesus, for reminding me. Help me to abandon all of me to You, fully trust in Your wonderful grace and faithfulness. In Your mighty name I pray, Amen.