Tuesday, May 22, 2012

My LBMP :D

I've been thinking of changing a bit of the content of this blog, or else open another blog (in another place). My beloved hubby will help me with new blog, but it still on development. So meanwhile I will post things here and see whether I need to split the thing or just drop everything in one blog.

As several days ago I come across my light bulb moment :P Hence, I called my new project my Light Bulb Moment Project.

This is my personal project, and I will see whether it can help me to cope with the trouble I facing thus far. I am grateful to the Lord as He has sustained me so far. The reason I am thinking to share, besides as the testimony of God's faithfulness in my life, is also as the encouragement for those who suffer (though maybe we may not suffer from the same thing). I hope you can learn from my experiments and mistakes, as I have learnt from others as well. Our condition can be different (as in the type or severity of the condition), but I always believe God stays the same. He is good, despite my physical condition. And I was reminded again and again how His grace and love protects me thus far. I would say it's the moment of joy in the pain. I can't take the pain away, but the good news is nobody can take the joy away as well.

First of all, the project is to do with 'menial' things. I know many people will not appreciate it, but for us, it's necessary for our survival.

So here it is, I am gathering ideas to simplify life and save energy. I am thinking of something like a budget/schedule, but instead of denominated in $$ or time, it will be denominated in energy.



After struggling for about 2 years, I come to realize that this is a long journey. Instead of getting angry, depressed, sad, or even self-pity, I might as well view this as another phase in my life. Being pregnant does help. It gives me a perspective of changing life. I did mourn for my lost, but now it's time to turn mourning into dancing. I don't care if I can only do the dancing in my heart and mind, as long as it is a dance before my God, I think He is pleased with it.

Though I still hoping for full recovery, I will make the most of my current state. I am grateful for a very supportive husband, who still love me and help me throughout this difficult situation. And of course, God, who keep on teaching me the essential things in the midst of this world. Stripped of the inessential and clinging on the essential is not an easy lesson to take. But if this is His curriculum, I am willing to take it. For eternity sake :D

So yeah, will see how many ideas I can really put to work, and how many ideas are just...well, ideas. Perhaps some of the ideas won't work for me, but somehow it will work for you.

The most important thing in this project is to keep the essential the essential. Priority needs to be taken care of. We may lose a lot of quantity of life, but we can always try not to give up on the quality. In the end, it's the quality that counts :)

Monday, May 21, 2012

Everything new.

Got a wind of some energy today (guess all my mom's cooking really contribute to this, besides resting for the past several days) and thinking to update my blog.

Surprised to find new display for blogger. I am a bit disappointed, 'cause I am looking for old view. But I guess I have to get use to the new...which bring me to the purpose of this post.

As I had promised (I know, it seemed ages ago, but it's only months actually :P), the good news is that currently I am pregnant! That's new. I never experience it before.

And given my frailty, for the first time in my life I am so glad I am a woman. Why? Well, I just past my second trimester, which people say it's a bliss. To tell the truth, in the beginning of my pregnancy, I felt a bit worse. All the toothache, fatigue, and pain came back with vengeance, not to mention additional trouble like vomiting and loss of appetite. I was housebound for the first trimester.

But then the things change and I get into second trimester. And this is the part where I am so grateful for being a woman. Cause I feel better:D I mean really better. Yes, I still feel the fatigue and have more muscle ache here and there (due to extra weight I am carrying I guess), but overall it is much much much better. Apparently I belong to the lucky group (one study said 30% of people like me do feel better during pregnancy, somehow, perhaps due to the hormones change). I guess it's a bit discriminating, cause for men who suffered the similar plague can never experience these moments.

I don't know what awaits for me for the third trimester, I do hope things get better or at least not getting worse. But who knows, I entrusted that fully to my God, who is gracious to me all this time.

What else? I think I become more accustomed to my NEW life lately. Not the pregnancy part (though that is included). I mean accepting my chronic fatigue and other conditions which come with it.

No, I haven't give up hope to get well one day. As a matter of fact, now that I  am pregnant, I am more determined to go for the treatment (which I had to postpone due to pregnancy). I still believe there is a lot of lessons await for me along this journey. But I came to accept the limitation of the illness. Every little things that I couldn't do, no matter how hard I work on my intention. I come across this wonderful 'light bulb moment' just the other day.
I don't know whether it's viable for me or not. But it sure give me comfort, knowing that even though it doesn't work, it has bring lighter and brighter perspective to my days:)

So, the conclusion of this post is that, let's welcome the new, even though we might not like it in the first place. After all, it's also one of God providence in our lives. Good or bad, we can't judge till the end. And I am still far from the end:)

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