So yeah, I am thinking of listing different things happened in my life now. Just for fun to see (since I am really unmotivated to do my journal entries).
1. Happiness is able to do small daily chore without giving myself pain and fatigue afterwards.
This one is rarely happened. My cycle of fatigue and pain come and go. There are good days, and not so good days. Good days unfortunately not as long as not so good days. But when it comes, I am so grateful. Living normally. But I have to remind myself not to work as normal LOL, so that I won't get myself into trouble afterwards. So today, after done some cooking and cleaning, I reminded myself to stop. Even though the list to do is still piling up. I learn to be grateful to God that at least, I can do some small things. That I would consider 'achievement' already :)
2. Thinking in terms of energy, and not time.
This is new habit. Kinda strange in the beginning. But now as my condition improved since I learn to pace myself, I really have to get into discipline to think, "Will I have energy to do that?" So yeah, not much left after the basics: eating, sleeping, bathing, cleaning. For those who may not realize, even resting and sleeping need energy. I have to make sure my battery not goes down way too low that I have no energy to recover. Strange but very important. This is my survival kit 101 :D.
3. Planning NOT to plan.
Ok, this is the hardest for me. I used to be a planner, and I love to finish thing within 'deadlines'. I always have to do list mentally (though I love to jot it down even more and then put a tick done after I finished it). In the beginning of my illness, I still tried to do it. But after failing miserably, I throw away my list and learn a new skill of living :) Living unplanned is new skill which is hard to master. Though of course, I still plan for my recovery. It just that is no longer down to day to day basis. I am happy if I can go through step by step in months basis. But I think I have to settle on yearly basis. For my own good, of course :)
4. Simple pleasures are things enjoyable which cost low energy and result in moderate fun.
Nothing extreme here. Trying even good extremes have thrown me back in fatigue circle more often. So yeah, moderate fun is what I am aiming now :D
I think maybe this is the only thing which is still part of my life. I enjoy reading (and yeah, my reading list has been changing a lot lately). Listening to songs (oldies is good for my memory exercise- not that I love to be reminded how old I am, but how I can still remember despite my short term memory trouble).
Other more energy consuming hobbies has to wait in line : singing (now and then, but not on the long run), writing (yeah, blogging included :P).
One thing which now I include in my fun thing to do: Sleeping. Why? (guess my fellow sufferers would know: - it's a luxury for us to be able to fall asleep, and even better, if we can wake up refreshed.) So yeah, for me, if I can fall asleep, no nightmares, and wake up refresh, it's one of the best thing in life now :)
Yeah, this is my prayer today, for those who suffered the same as me, I hope you have a wonderful sleep today. Happy sleeping friends:D May God take away your nightmares :)
Ok, talk about sleeping, now I need to go to take my nap:) So this blog post will be continued... see ya :)
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