Change

This morning I wake up with kinda good feeling...after awful pain last night.

So yeah, I am thinking of listing different things happened in my life now. Just for fun to see (since I am really unmotivated to do my journal entries).

1. Happiness is able to do small daily chore without giving myself pain and fatigue afterwards.

This one is rarely happened. My cycle of fatigue and pain come and go. There are good days, and not so good days. Good days unfortunately not as long as not so good days. But when it comes, I am so grateful. Living normally. But I have to remind myself not to work as normal LOL, so that I won't get myself into trouble afterwards. So today, after done some cooking and cleaning, I reminded myself to stop. Even though the list to do is still piling up. I learn to be grateful to God that at least, I can do some small things. That I would consider 'achievement' already :)

2. Thinking in terms of energy, and not time.

This is new habit. Kinda strange in the beginning. But now as my condition improved since I learn to pace myself, I really have to get into discipline to think, "Will I have energy to do that?" So yeah, not much left after the basics: eating, sleeping, bathing, cleaning. For those who may not realize, even resting and sleeping need energy. I have to make sure my battery not goes down way too low that I have no energy to recover. Strange but very important. This is my survival kit 101 :D.

3. Planning NOT to plan.

Ok, this is the hardest for me. I used to be a planner, and I love to finish thing within 'deadlines'. I always have to do list mentally (though I love to jot it down even more and then put a tick done after I finished it). In the beginning of my illness, I still tried to do it. But after failing miserably, I throw away my list and learn a new skill of living :) Living unplanned is new skill which is hard to master. Though of course, I still plan for my recovery. It just that is no longer down to day to day basis. I am happy if I can go through step by step in months basis. But I think I have to settle on yearly basis. For my own good, of course :)

4. Simple pleasures are things enjoyable which cost low energy and result in moderate fun.

Nothing extreme here. Trying even good extremes have thrown me back in fatigue circle more often. So yeah, moderate fun is what I am aiming now :D

I think maybe this is the only thing which is still part of my life. I enjoy reading (and yeah, my reading list has been changing a lot lately). Listening to songs (oldies is good for my memory exercise- not that I love to be reminded how old I am, but how I can still remember despite my short term memory trouble).

Other more energy consuming hobbies has to wait in line : singing (now and then, but not on the long run), writing (yeah, blogging included :P).

One thing which now I include in my fun thing to do: Sleeping. Why? (guess my fellow sufferers would know: - it's a luxury for us to be able to fall asleep, and even better, if we can wake up refreshed.) So yeah, for me, if I can fall asleep, no nightmares, and wake up refresh, it's one of the best thing in life now :)

Yeah, this is my prayer today, for those who suffered the same as me, I hope you have a wonderful sleep today. Happy sleeping friends:D May God take away your nightmares :)

Ok, talk about sleeping, now I need to go to take my nap:) So this blog post will be continued... see ya :)

Struggles

Hi my long 'abandoned' blog...

Well, actually I am not totally abandoning it...knowing that I've been thinking of doing major revamp, of the content and display...or simply quit.

If you've been following my previous post, you know now I have been battling major illness issue, which is very debilitating. I don't know how long I will be recover...or if I will ever recover.

However, being plunged into such journey does give me lots of meditation and lesson, and I am just wondering should I simply write a blog post or maybe expand it longer. When I have the energy, of course :)

SO many things I want to write...and so little energy to accommodate :) Means I have to learn to prioritize...

One of the things I've been thinking is to change to theme of this blog. All this time, I have written my meditation and spiritual lessons which I have learnt as a commemoration of God's love and work in my life.

No, I don't want to change that yet. I still think it should be written.

But on the other hand, I have other issues I would love to write about, especially now I have 'invisible' illness :P I think maybe the sharing of my journey with God can be a blessings for those who found themselves, like me, suddenly dumped into the journey of nightmares, with no warning before.

However, I don't want my posts to be an endless ranting or complaints. I guess this is just me. Yeah, it's painful and sometimes can be very frustrating, but I still think, God is good, even when my condition is not good. So yeah, there will be post on my bad situations, but certainly, I can't wait to share God's goodness in the midst of all of these.

Bear with me my friend, when I have another burst of energy, I will come back and write. I can't promise it will be regular, but yeah, I am not giving up yet (still by the grace of God).

Till we meet again...:)