More to this life

Do you ever feeling that what you do right now is just a vanity? That no matter how hard you tried, in the end, you’re facing the same old bulk of dissatisfaction and emptiness. Just like the wise man once said: all is vanity and grasping for the wind. (Ecclesiastes 1:14-NKJV)

Many things could happen which drive us to that point: high tide of modern lifestyle (where everybody is racing like horse, out to win in this life, whether it is financial, achievements, or even love life), the hard pressed facts which come and go in this life. At times we try to convince ourselves that it can be solved somehow, and we're out to solve it. Some have given up, some still trying, and some keep on trying not because it works, but because got no other (better) idea to replace it. So, they keep on pushing it, in the hope to achieve 'it' someday. It's like the carrot tied ahead just for us to keep on running without ever a slight chance for us to grab it. Well, sometimes, life does hit us like that.

Some people think the answer is in the wealth. (and so people 'all out' to achieve it). Some thoughts it's in the relationship with someone special. (and so the quest for 'true love' begins). Some thoughts it's in achievements. (and the striving to be the best starts.) It's not that all of those three things above are all wrong. But there is something more to this life. We know it, because somehow, we long for it. And things that we thought are the answer, in the end, are not really the answers at all.

As Christians, sadly, we are not immune to those feelings. Questions come continuously. Unanswered questions like: What am I doing here? Why am I ‘working’ this hard? Where am I going? Why do I feel sad and exhausted and dissatisfied? What is wrong anyway with me? etc. It’s inevitably invading our mind, whether we admit it or not. Though we know that in every man’s heart, there is a hole which no one and nothing can ever fill, except God Himself. Yet, as much as we know about it in our mind (we might as well repeat to ourselves every times we feel the emptiness), it doesn't help a lot to soothe the feelings away. And if this continues on, the big well of depression is waiting on the other side, ready to catch us if we sink deeper and deeper...

In my walk with God, I’m so glad that I’ve been to that point, to the part of pilgrimage called the wilderness. All the people of God have been through it. Included Jesus Himself. Some have passed it successfully to the other part. Some just get in and hardly getting it through and many were died in the wilderness…

Today, I can say I am so grateful that I get into the wilderness with Him. No, don’t think that I’ve done with my pilgrimage with God. As long as I’m still breathing, I‘m still walking, still learning, still growing, and prayerfully, by the grace of God…still persevering. But as much as I learned from Him, through all the storms and blessings, the downs and ups, the pain and joy, the emptiness and fullness of life, this is one of what I’ve found which not only helpful, but also I will treasure for the rest of my life:

The feeling of vanity which we don’t like and trying so hard to avoid, is actually an ‘invitation’. It is an invitation of love, which last not only a lifetime but also for eternity.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11-NKJV)

Every time you feel vain, it’s a ring of invitation to answer the eternity call which God has put in your heart. Every time you feel restlessness, it’s a longing God has put in your heart to call out for Him. And until you found Him (which what really happened is He found you instead), meeting Him face to face, and commune with Him, that deep desire shall not ever be quenched.

We often misunderstood it, thinking that there’s got to be something we need to do or achieve. Well, good rest and right consumption do help in terms of body fatigue. Refreshment may sometimes needed by the soul. But in this vanity affair, the root of the problem is in the spirit. As one man of God put it, the heart of the matter is the matter of heart.

I believe it’s not a coincidence that in the bible, Song of Solomon is located right after the Ecclesiastes. Both of these books were written by Solomon, the richest and wisest man ever alive. Chronologically, the Ecclesiastes, which talked about the vanity of life, should be placed after Song of Solomon, which pictured a love story. But to our learning, it is put vice versa, for the answer in the Ecclesiastes is found in the Song of Solomon.

As to our heart, God wants it whole. Not in part, not even the greatest part of it. We may look at the cross, and realize how much God love us for it is showed there, the very proof of His love to us. We may remember the empty grave, and awe by the power of His love which conquered the death. But until we walk with Him in the wilderness, we may never step into the deep, behind the veil, the place where we are stripped of those which are temporary and vain, in order for us to receive a better part, something which is last forever.

We may start our journey with God, thinking in our hearts: My beloved is mine, and I am His. (Song of Solomon 2:16-NKJV) But approaching the end, we finally realize: I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine. (Song of Solomon 6:3 -NKJV)

It may seem so subtle for the difference, but when you experience it, you know there is huge difference between the two. In the end, what God really wants and what we really longing for is described beautifully as:

Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved? (Song of Solomon 8:5-NKJV)

And if you wonder why it is so hot in the wilderness, it’s just the perfect situation to reflect one of the characteristic of love, as it is written:

Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.
(Song of Solomon 8:6-NKJV)

Yes, we will go through death and fire for true love. But it’s worth it. All the pain, the tears, shall turn into joy and gladness. The fullness of joy, which we experience in the presence of God, shall never be compared to anything. We may not always experience the great feelings throughout the journey. There were times when He seemed to hide Himself. But if we know, it’s just of the sign of how He loves us, longing for us to search and longing more of Him, we may set in our heart to go all the way for Him, and Him alone.

Lord, thank You for leading me into the wilderness. Thank You for loving me that much for me to experience all that I don’t want in the first place. Thank You for letting me facing all the impossibilities, so I can receive Your faith. Thank You for all the sorrow, so I can trade it with Your joy. Thank You for all the discouragement, so I can experience Your encouragement and extend it to others. Thank You for bringing me to place where I have no strength to carry on, for I learn to draw strength from the abundance of Your grace. Thank You for the chance of being betrayed, so I learn to forgive and to cherish Your faithfulness. Thank You for feelings of hopelessness, so I come to know the true hope I found in You. Thank You for the feeling of emptiness, so I may accept the true fulfillment in You. Thank you for the feelings of vanity, for through it I come to know the meaning of life. For as much as it may seemed lost, nothing is really ever lost, for I gained much more than what I ever dreamed of. Thank You for everything You have taught me all along the journey, but above all, thank You for letting me knowing and loving You.

~ Dedicated to someone who has been spending long hours of working and wondering… I’m no better than you…but this is the grace and revelation which give me strength to carry on so far; one day at a time, one favor to savor. Hope this writing could bless you, as it reminds me again of what I’ve learned lately. Praying for you to meet Him at the level where He wants to meet you. God bless you.~

No One

Can't help not to post this video--not because of Michael W.Smith(appearing in the beginning) and Mr. & Mrs. George W.Bush(appearing in the end):P But because these songs Cece Winans sing are profoundly reverberating into my heart. Been listening to them over and over again this whole week and the reflection that I got is that this medley are explaining some deep revelation about relationship.

I Surrender All-one of my most favourite hymns- explaining the kind of relationship characteristic we have with God. Of all kinds of relationship we have with God (you name it: Father-Sons, Master-Bond servants, Teacher-Disciples, Bridegroom-Bride, Husband-Wife, etc.), this is the most critical attitude of heart we ought to have. Surrendering all to God. In good times and bad times. In easy endeavors and tough endeavors. When sun shines brightly and when rain falls hard, even until the flood comes unexpectedly :P That's the kind of attitude we ought to have, besides great gratitude and humility, of course. One of our human tendency is trying to control everything, even things we have no authority to control. The reasons behind are fear of the unknowns, inconveniences, and hardships. We prefer avoiding all the bad ones at all cost. We strive to more comforting and pleasant lifestyle. Not that it's entirely wrong. But when that is what we aim for, sadly, it is the very thing that will overrule our lives and in the end, left us dissatisfied. I am still learning this lesson, but up to this point, I have learned that true contentment sprung out only from our true relationship with God. Intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. And there can not be any intimacy without thorough surrender. Like any other close and loving relationship we have, the key to intimacy is trust. And the evidence of trust in relationship, particularly with God, is complete surrender. Whoa! If this sounds too hard to 'chew' for you, try to open your heart. Because this matter is not something we can digest using our mind, but more to that, it can only be understood by an open, lowly, and willing heart.

When we slowly learn to surrender to God (it's a process, not an immediate events by the way), then we will experience the truth in the second songs- No One, a great worship song by Cece Winans.The first time we get to know God, we proclaim that we surrender to Him. Then the process of surrendering life to God begin, bit by bit, layer by layer, and if you continue on this pilgrimage with God, there would come a time when you look back and see how in every situation, at all times, how God lovingly sustains you through--even when you go astray. The power of love of God, in all its rich aspects, which blow your heart and soul away, will capturing your heart that you may whisper, please let me always be with You. And you want to shout and tell the whole world, how wonderful and beautiful this Lover of your soul is. I don't know which is the point of your journey with God at this moment. You may have just started, or you have been walking faithfully for quite a long time. You may have backslide, or even you haven't started a real relationship with God. No matter where you are right now, it is not important. What important is you let go and let God start to showering you and covering you with HIS amazing love, now. Turn to Him, just as you are, and let His love changes you from within and makes you a new creation. And you will be able to look into His face and stare into His loving eyes and swept away into the caring yet mighty embrace of the nail-scarred hands. Sounds too much? Well, I'm just offering His invitation which I have taken (and by the grace of God, I choose to keep on taking it):

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!-Psalm 34:8 (NKJV)

Yes, come and taste...and you shall say that it was more than words I could describe, or lyrics Cece Winans could sing :D

I SURRENDER ALL & NO ONE - Cece Winans

All to Jesus, I surrender,
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence, daily live.

Chorus:

I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessed Saviour,
I surrender all

---

I whisper words about You endlessly
Mostly to myself 'cause You make me believe
No one could ever love me like You could
There wouldn't be a day I'd be alone
And never would there be a time I didn't know
'Cause no one could ever love me like You could

You have been the One who fulfills my dreams
I'll never let You go
If You stay with me
I promise You would know

Of all the times I've reached out for You
Oh, can't you see how I adore You
I couldn't spend my life without You
Please believe me I will never doubt You

You've been the One to answer all my prayers
Anytime I need You I know that You'll be there
'Cause no one could ever love me like You could
I'm hoping that You'll hear these prayers of mine
I'm hoping that we'll be together for all times
'Cause no one could ever love me like you could

You have been the One who fulfills my dreams
I'll never let You go
If You stay with me
I promise You would know

Of all the times I've reached out for You
Oh, can't You see how I adore You
I couldn't spend my life without You
Please believe me I will never doubt You

Oh I would do anything for You to share that place in my heart
Please let me be the one
It would mean everything
There'll be no one to keep us apart

Of all the times I've reached out for You
Oh, can't you see how I adore You
I couldn't spend my life without You
Please believe me I will never doubt You

(Lyrics taken from http://www.hymnlyrics.org/lyricsi/i_surrender_all.html & http://www.allthelyrics.com/song/45078/)