The last which is first

This will be my last post in 2009 :) Looking back, I realized I did not post many in 2009, but I do pray, as God's grace directed me, I will be able to do better in 2010 ;-)

This morning, as I wake up, I started to worship Him, I prayed: confessing my sins, expressing my gratefulness, and pleading that HE will speak to me, the last message this year that will become the first thing for next year.

I was brought to John 15:1-27.

Due to various changes in my life in 2009, i have entangled myself in the snare of anxiety and restlessness. But the hands of GOD is gracious towards me. His wonderful love once again bring me on my knees, and I confessed how wonderful the working of HIS grace and love in my life. I am grateful for all the things He brings to past in 2009. The worst things, He saw me through. The best things, He blessed me with.

Now, at the end of this year, the loving message I got is to ABIDE in Him.

I was wondering, how am I able to ABIDE in Him?

1. Verse 7 told us that we can let HIS words abide in us. When this things happened, we can ask what we desire and it shall be done for us. All is for the glory of the Father, when we bear much fruit. When we do, we are His disciples.

2. The next thing is to ABIDE in HIS love. How to ABIDE in HIS love? I learn something new today. All this time I thought, to abide in HIS love is to obey His commandments. It's true, but it's not yet complete. Verse 12 showed what is His commandments: that we love one another as He has loved us. Now, given the context of this conversation, it was during the last supper, the last time Jesus spent time together with His disciples. There He was giving His wonderful commandments. Verse 9 stated it beautifully: As the Father loved me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. Continued with verse 12, we abide in His love when we love one another as He has loved us. Something dawned on me suddenly. Jesus was talking to His disciples, minus Judas Iscariot. Quickly I searched the passages before. There I found the opening of these messages. In John 13:34-35 Jesus mentioned about this new commandments to His disciples. For them to loved one another as He has loved them and by that all will know that they are His disciples. Further He explained His love for them in verse 13: Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.

Looking back in history, we learned that all of the disciples presented in the last supper were laying down their lives for the cause of the gospel. But it dawned on me that they obeyed the commandment of Jesus, and thus showed that they are true disciples of Jesus. They laid down their lives for others, as Jesus has laid down His lives for them.

Thus the implication of joy mentioned in verse 11 becomes clear. His joy remain in them and their joy become full because now, instead of only Jesus the one who loves them to that degree, they love one another to that degree as well. And Jesus continued to compared to the hatred from the world. In other words, you will face hatred from the world, but you have been loved by God and will be loved by other disciples, to the degree of laying one's life.

This whole conversation is JUST before the crucifixion. There, Jesus showed His love to His disciples, by laying down His life for them, even though they are all running away from Him, out of fear. Later in their lives, after the resurrection and the Pentecost, they laid down theirs, no longer having fear, but having love. For they have come to understand His perfect love for them. Perfect love which casts out fear.

So, given those two wonderful lessons, this is my prayer for upcoming year of 2010:

Father God, thank You for showing Your love through Lord Jesus. Lord Jesus, in this upcoming year, help me to abide in YOU. Abide in Your Words and in Your love. Holy Spirit, empower me to love other disciples the way the Lord wants us to. In Jesus loving name and power I pray, amen.

Maxim of the day #11

The extent that we can show God's love to other is as much as the extent we realize God's love to us. ~ Viola Deo

The falls that lead to salvations

After the continuous changes, big and small, huge and tiny, it seemed to me I come to a hiatus.

No, I am not forgetting about this little blog :)

I just run through too many things lately, changing of status and living place seemed taken toll on my time and energy. When I finished all my duty, I have lack of energy to simply sit down, think, and write. Write!

Anyway, there's lots of lesson I got lately. One particular I want to share is the one I got when with my (newlywed) husband, we (finally, after scheduling it for sometime) manage to visit a church friend. Her mother was fell just several weeks before our big day and injured badly.

Actually, I had not much expectation, except to encourage and pray when we plan to go there. My husband pointed out that this is the first visit we ever made to a local family so far. It's a beautiful furnished place. Very homey and very comfy, with the bright white colour as the main theme.

Surprise surprise (yes, God still got lots of surprises these days), instead of encouraging, we're encouraged instead, well, at least for me.

At first glance, my friend's mom didn't look different from other moms that I know. However, after chit chat for a while, I learned a wonderful lesson from the LORD.

She had a bad fall previously. The first time she fell, years ago, she lost her eye sight. Her right eyes remained blind due to the broken retina, and her left eyes, after several surgeries, could only see dimly. I tried to imagine how she figured our face when she shared about her eye sight. I didn't think I can, even though I also had astigmatism myself. One thing is really struck me is that she was a nurse. Imagine a nurse which such eye sight kept on working to feed her family. She shared that not long, due to her illness and her family problem, she became depressed. Really depressed. However, she gave thanks, because out of that dark moments, she came to know Jesus as her Lord and Saviour. Call that miracle number one.

Then, a couple of weeks before our wedding, she fell again. This time, she broke her arm and leg, made her confined to bed in hospital (and then, her house) for some time. This time, she shared, God had another plan. As the worst patient in her ward (0f 6 elders), somehow, she is the source of help and encouragement for other patients. Her joyful attitude attracted other patients, which were amazed that despite her worse condition compared to them, she was far more joyful than them. She shared with them that because she had Jesus, even though she had through such pain, she still had the joy in her heart. Due to her living testimony, several came to know the Lord. Later, when she had to go to physiotherapy hospital for regular exercise, she also became a testimony that helped other elders. Well, there goes miracle number two.

One thing that really encourages me is that she is so enthusiastic sharing about her life events, testifying how God has intention, despite her falls. I was reminded with this verse right away:

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.- Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

It is so comforting to know, that the LORD is able to work even through such devastating falls to become a way to salvation for so many people.

Which made me wonder...

When we go through difficulties, either in our body, or in our situation, instead of looking for remedy right away, have we first and foremost, look for God's plan in the first place? God is certainly not planning for our falls or calamities, but He certainly has a good plan even in the midst of such unfortunate events.

Miracle of His faithfulness

Today, I almost shed a tear again...

Of witnessing God's miraculous faithfulness in my life.

It started a week ago, when we attended a spiritual conference, discussing topic of Sermon from Jesus, about generosity and giving. I realized there is a nudge in my heart regarding a particular missionary friend of mine who happened to be in town.

Usually, it is a simple affair, for me just to give, but these days, not so simple anymore...since I am engaged and we are committed to be open to each other about our finances.

So I told my fiance (who happened to sit next to me that night) about the nudge in my heart, and as God works in my heart, God works in his heart too :)) We quickly pray and come with a plan of sum and way to deliver.

Unfortunately, my missionary friend would be in town only for 2 days left, and both of us (me and my fiance) was very busy with our schedule. We have some difficulties regarding how to deliver the money; but thank God, my fiance managed to get up earlier on Friday morning, on his way to deliver our invitation cards, he managed to meet my friend and deliver to her. (I am just way too busy and tired to even meet her).

That was about a week ago, and both of us been grateful for the opportunity to give regardless our situation (we are busy in the midst of moving house and preparing our wedding which now are 2 weeks away by the way).

Then it happened that 2 days ago, my fiance got an extra amount in his salary transfer. Today, he realized the amount as he read the announcement letter from his boss. He shared with me that the amount is EXACTLY the amount we gave to our missionary friend. And all within 1 week. We committed to give on last week Wednesday, we received the extra salary transfer on this Wednesday. My fiance delivered the money on last Friday, he realized on the exact amount given back to us today. (today is Friday, a week later :D)

God is wonderful, for my fiance has just started to work several months in this company. He was never told in advance there is such thing called quarterly performance bonus. I am not even aware there is such thing called quarterly bonus (the usual practice that I know that an employee at least have to work for a full year to be entitled of any bonus payment, and always paid later). But one thing for sure, God is faithful, beyond our ability to comprehend.

Even when we learn to give an amount which is quite essential for us since we are preparing for our wedding day, He showed us that He is still in control, of our living and our beloved friend's living, and of course, His work on this earth. How am I able to convey my gratefulness, not mainly for the blessings He bestowed on us, but especially, for the chance to witness His faithfulness in our lives and the opportunity to part take in His work through our lives?

HALLELUJAH!

About goal

" My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace,
Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God:
'Tis His to lead me there, not mine, but His---
"At any cost, dear Lord, by any road."

-- Frances Brook (born 1870), English hymnwriter.

Comfort words

Though the mountains be shaken
And the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,
says the Lord, who has compassion on you. - Isaiah 54: 10 (NIV)

Been high and low recently... trying to figure out all the changes that occured in my life...
...spiritually, physically, emotionally...

After months of thinking and drifting ... praying and pleading...

I realize some simple truth...

I haven't really grasp the love of God...

I mean...I know He loves me, but living a life out of His love for me and His love in me...

Yesterday there was a verse that caught my attention:

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. - Ephesians 5:1-2 (NIV)

I realized I can only live a life of love as He did, when I come to full realization that I am a loved child of my Father in heaven.

He's been good, too good to me, as a Father, while I am often drifting in the sea of doubt due to my circumstances. Questions come and go, but how do I tell that after all these years with HIM.... He is the One who is unwavering, yet I am the one who is so fickle.

Then the popular verse of Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) strucked me:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I realize there are new comforts as I read this verse. (as usual, some popular verse seemed too familiar to us that we often missed out the best meaning of it.)

First and foremost, I take my comfort in the part : For I know. The best part of this verse is not laying in the fact that the plans are to prosper and not to harm, to give hope and future. I realized today, the best part of the verse is that HE KNOWS. He knows all the details, the good and the bad, the right and the wrong in our lives. Yet He proclaimed: I know. I know. I know. I took comfort in His assuring acknowledgement.

Second, the planS. :D I used to think that God only has 1 plan for each of us. I realized I was wrong. He simply stated, He has plans. Not only ONE plan, but PLANS. I am so glad He has plans, not just plan for my future.

I may have a long way to go to live as His beloved child. Yet I take comfort in His promise. He knows and He has plans. It's enough :)

Thank You Lord, for your comforting word of truth :D

~in the midst of anxiety about the future~

(Waiting for) Sweet Love

I found this old yet refreshing song in one of my friends blog several days ago and have been listening to it over and over again. The lyric really touches my heart, especially in this moment when He teaches me the lessons of His love. Thank God I find the complete lyric today, and here it is:

SWEET LOVE
by First Call

Eyes in the window
Pleading with the sky
Knowing heaven hears my cry
Waiting for your sweet love

Whisper to my spirit
Tellin' me You're near
And Your peace will find me here
Waiting for Your sweet love
Waiting for Your sweet love

If I count the ways
You've carried me this far
Might as well try counting
Each and every star
Once again I find
I've given You my heart
And I'm waiting for Your love
Waiting for Your sweet love

Memories are calling
Like echoes in the wind
Faithful places I have seen
Waiting for your sweet love

The sweetest liberation
Falls on me here
And I abandon all my fear
Waiting for Your sweet love
(I've been waiting)
Waiting for Your sweet love

If I count the ways
You've carried me this far
Might as well try counting
Each and every star
Once again I find
I've given You my heart
And I'm waiting for Your love

Abba, Father
Purest lover of my soul
How I need this
Love that will not let me go

Whisper to my spirit
Just tell me You are near
Oh I just need Your sweet love
To fall upon me here
I need Your sweet, sweet love

(lyrics taken from: http://www.lyricstime.com/first-call-sweet-love-lyrics.html)

Lord Jesus, thank You for Your sweet sweet love. I need Your new revelation of how sweet the Father's love. In Jesus sweet name I pray. Amen.

Wake up call: True Life

This morning, I was awaken by the answer of a question that has long ago been occurred in my heart.

Sometimes, this happened, when I have a good sleep at night, and wake up by thoughts about God. But of course, it's not something that happened to me everyday so far. And this morning, not only I am awaken by this wonderful thought, but also it awakened the "sleep from blogging" in me all this time :P

It's funny how the train of thoughts can really bring you to. But if this is how the Holy Spirit is teaching me, surely I have no complaint but thanksgiving for His wonderful teaching.

I was awaken by the thoughts about Mary and Martha in the first place. For you who want to know their stories which I was reminded about, kindly refer to Luke 10: 38-42. There, our Lord Jesus made a comment about Mary, who had chosen one thing that is needed, in comparison to Martha who was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. This very choice, which was demonstrated by Mary's sitting at the Lord's feet listening to what He said, was commented by Jesus as something that is better and will not be taken away from her.

Then it occurred to me that what Jesus meant is about life. True life that comes from Jesus alone. I was amazed to find out that Apostle John made it so clear in the gospel he wrote. Oh, I wake up and read the Book of John to search for all the passages that mention life, and there are so many that he wrote, with such understanding that comes from a man that has known the life himself. He started in the beginning of his book with:

"In Him was life, and that life was the light of men."- John 1:4 (NIV)

and it continues...

"...that everyone who believes in Him may have eternal life." - John 3:15 (NIV)

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. " - John 3:16 (NIV)

"Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him." - John 3:36 (NIV)

"...but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." - John 4:14 (NIV)

and so much more. I realized that I can't paste it all here. I invite you to go and seek for yourself in the book of John. It doesn't matter which version of translation you are using. I am using NIV here, but you can search other version (KJV, NASB, ESV, etc.).

The verse that I think describe Mary's choice best is:
"I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." - John 5:24 (NIV)

The verse that explained the source of life is:
"For as the Father has life in Himself, so He has granted the Son to have life in Himself." - John 5:26 (NIV)

And this is the very rebuke, which Jesus said to the Jews of His days, but may apply to us as well:
"You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life." - John 5:39-40 (NIV)

Jesus even describe Himself as the Bread of Life in John 6, to explain this further.There are passages over passages which describe about Jesus as life Himself, more than the verses that I paste in this posting.

And for this particular verse, which was my initial question in the beginning, which becomes clearer and clearer for me.

"...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10b (NIV)

I realized that maybe this verse is one of the verses that is most often quoted yet most often misunderstood regarding the meaning. I have heard some of the interpretation of this verse, but my heart keep on questioning, what is it that You mean, Lord?

Some described the life here as life after death, which equates the salvation of mankind, as the result of Christ's death and resurrection. Others described it as life that has been redeemed, that once we are in Christ, we are new creations, continually renew in holiness and service to God. Some others even describe it as all the good things God give to His children, the blessings of life that fulfill the needs of the men, such as healing, wealth, etc. All of these interpretation are to some point explain what we got in Him; yes, we have assurance of salvation, and yes, our life is redeemed and therefore we grow in holiness, and yes, we have a Father in heaven who is care for us and supply all our needs. However, these are not what this verse mean.

Life that is mentioned here is refer to Jesus Himself. He IS our life. And only in HIM we can truly have life to the full. Referring back to all that John has written about life in previous passages, we know that Jesus' message is that He Himself is the life for humankind.The everlasting life Himself. And this particular message is carried out until the end of Book of John.

This is the most clear verse regarding the eternal life that Jesus has promised:
"Now this is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." - John 17:3 (NIV)

And even Apostle John himself testified the reason of his writing the Gospel of John, that is:
"But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." - John 20:31 (NIV)

As a closing, I want to quote another popular verse, which I hope, through all of the explanation above, may give a deeper understanding to you, when you read:
"Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - John 14:6 (NIV)

Indeed, Jesus Himself is the life. Do you have this life?

Father God, thank You for showing me the meaning of the truth in Your word. Indeed, You are good and Your mercies endures forever. You give understanding to those who seek You. Let this truth inscribed in my heart so that Your truth become flesh in my life. Thank You for giving us life Himself. In the name of life Himself, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.

How am I able to say thanks?

Dear Lord,

Thank You, for all You've done in my life. Please forgive me of my sin. When I am just running away, and simply drop everything because I am just no longer have the strength...You sent Your rescues, prayer, love, care, in a way that capture my heart and restore my mind.

Forgive me, Lord, for my unbelieving heart.

I love You...help me to love You more, the way You do.

In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Whose kairos?

Therefore Jesus told them, "The right time for me has not yet come; for you any time is right. - John 7:6 (NIV)

As I read and meditate on the verse above (as the whole passage of the beginning of chapter 7), I realize how different the way God and human views time.

The passage begins from the disagreement between Jesus and His own brothers regarding Jesus' plan to stay in Galilea. His brothers viewed that Jesus, who has performed miracles, ought to show Himself to the world (in that moments, meaning go to Judea during the Jewish Feast of Tabernacles).

Jesus reply to them is that is not the right time for Him yet and for His brothers, any time is right.

The first thing I noticed is that Jesus did not reply to them that He was not meant to go there. Nor did He say that it is not the right place to go. His response is merely the timing. Later on, He did go to the Feast, slightly later from His brothers timing, and in a secret manner.

It is critical to note that original Greek word for time that Jesus used to describe His own time and His brothers' time is the same : kairos, which means the right time, the opportune time.

It is interesting for me since I was always taught that biblically, there are two different time and understanding, the first is kairos and another is chronos. Both stands for time, but the first one has the meaning God's opportune time, while the latter only means the sequential or linear time that human being used up (from this root we get the word of chronology). In short, one is divine and another is merely, human.

But in this verse, as I intrigued to look it up in the original language version, both used the same kairos word. It is not referring to kairos for Jesus and chronos for His brothers. It is referring kairos for both Jesus and His brothers.

I realized the difference is the view. Both sensed that going to that particular place (or do particular actions) is the right thing to do. However, while for His brother sensed that those are the particular opportune time for Jesus, given things that He has done(verse 3-4), Jesus is very clear about the timing of His action.

Most of the time, we knew what we supposed to do, especially in response to God's calling. But the question posed here, is it HIS timing?

Lord Jesus, lead me not only to know what to do, but also when to do it. You know exactly the kairos, the right timing. Teach me not to follow my own or others viewed kairos, but Yours kairos alone. In Jesus' precious name I pray, Amen.

Eyes on YOU

I do not know what to do, but my eyes are upon YOU....

Thank You Lord

Starting yesterday, I'd just come to realization, how much God loves me.

For the past half year, I have been working hard, trying hard to make a way out of my difficult and complicated situation. Each time, the more I tried, the harder I hit the wall. And as my faith grow weak, my walk with HIM grow weaker. I simply living day by day without any passion for not knowing where I am heading.

Till last night, I realized...and as I pondered upon God's faithfulness along these years. How miraculously He delivered me each time in the past. How wonderful His providence. Even so, when my situation seemed so hopeless...for the first time I feel and experience the Father heart of God.

I thank God that He closed every door that I tried for the past half year. I am SO grateful He did it for my goodness, for my future. For the sake of keeping me in line with the truth of HIS word. For setting a biblical foundation for my life and my future.

For people who may have observing a fraction of my life, they may say,"Where is your God?"

But deep in my heart I know, seeing the big picture, I can testify boldly,"This is surely the Protecting hands of My God." How grateful I am to be loved by such Great God.

My Father, my Father in heaven, thank You so much for protecting me. I didn't know how foolish I am, that You purposely closing every door to protect me. Thank You, for the time where I am simply lose faith and fall away, You are still faithful. Please forgive me for my unbelieving heart and sinful thoughts. I confess my sin before You. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank You so much for Your peace, that You pour in my heart today. You are indeed a wonderful Father. Thank You, for allowing me to taste the loving hand of You, Father. In Jesus' wonderful name, I give thanks and pray. Amen.

I Can Begin Again

Beginning in 2009, I was stumbled upon one of my fave song from the past :)

I always love the tune (somehow reminds me of cool breeze on a windy day, of the gentle stroke of the Holy Spirit who accompanies me wherever I go). And yet, how wonderful the chorus reflecting the yearning of my heart :)

I CAN BEGIN AGAIN
by Larnelle Harris

Alone again in a crowded room
Cornered by the questions in my mind
It's so hard to understand
How the life that I had planned
Stole my joy and left me far behind

Though all I have is lost it seems
In the shadow of a dream that used to be
I can look beyond the skies
Deep into the Father's eyes
And see that there is hope for one like me

CHORUS:
I can begin again
With the passion of a child
My heart has caught a vision
Of a life that's still worthwhile

I can reach out again
Far beyond what I have done
Like a dreamer who's awakened
To a life that's yet to come
For new beginnings are not just for the young

I face the dawn of each brand new day
Free from all the doubt that gripped my past
For I've found in trusting Him
That everyday life starts again
As I look toward the things of life that last

CHORUS:
I can begin again
With the passion of a child
My heart has caught a vision
Of a life that's still worthwhile

I can reach out again
Far beyond what I have done
Like a dreamer who's awakened
To a life that's yet to come
For new beginnings are not just for the young

I can begin again
With the passion of a child
My heart has caught a vision
Of a life that's still worthwhile

I can reach out again
Far beyond what I have done
Like a dreamer who's awakened
To a life that's yet to come
For new beginnings are not just for the young

New beginnings are not just for the young
New beginnings are not just for the young

And if you wonder about the song, you can listen through this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p_UPlfM71k

As I looked back, I thank God for His wonderful providence and grace in my life throughout 2008. Even though now my situation is still not seemingly bright and even though I don't know what the future is, I am so glad to be reminded of HIS wonderful love...that I can begin again, with a passion of a child, that even though all I have seemed lost, I can look into my Father's eyes and found tremendous grace there. Grace that reach out to me in my pit of sin and failures, of doubt and pain, and lift me up to another brand new start again, towards a worthwhile life of things that last.

Thank You Jesus, Jesus, thank You for a new beginning in YOU. Amen.