Deeper in Love

One of my favourites of all times, by Don Moen:

DEEPER IN LOVE

There is a longing, only You can fill
A raging tempest, only You can still
My soul is thirsty, Lord,
to know You as I'm known
Drink from the river,
that flows before Your throne

Chorus:

Take me deeper, deeper in love with You
Jesus, hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper, deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

Sunrise to sunrise,
I would seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit,
to the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied

Repeat chorus

In the midst of sorrow, thank You for the comfort, of the truth about Your love and faithfulness. I know, You're crying here with me. I give thanks, I give praise, despite my grief, for I know, that all things work together for my good. For by faith, I know that Your grace will see me through, and You will never forsake me. Thank You Jesus. In Your loving name I pray. Amen.

True Prayer

In our lives--in the middle of tight schedules, and struggles of daily living--it is so easy for us to lose our true prayer life. Now, what happen is not that we are not praying at all. As the matter of fact, we do. But it is what drives our prayer life which really concerns me. I'm really grateful for the fact that even in our limitation and not-so-right approach towards prayer, He still a compassionate and faithful God, who answers graciously. Not that we think only big matters we need to hand over to God in prayer. Every tiny bits of our life matters, as a matter of fact, needs to be commit into God's hand. And regarding Him as our Provider, it is a right thing to do for us to come to the Lord in prayer for guidance, help, and blessings. It's a good habit, for we couldn't carry on without Him. But what I want to share here is beyond that.

What I got reminded this week, is the proportion of the reason behind our approaching God. Giving thanks every time we want to eat, well, that's one of habit. Praising Him every time we feel the joy of the Lord, that's another habit to cultivate. But most of the time, we're hurry to say our prayer, because there is a problem in our lives. It may be small, it may be huge. It may be a longing or need; it may be a uncomfortable situation we want to be gone as soon as possible. It could be also prayer request for those who dear to our hearts. Not that saying all these prayers are wrong or forbidden. God really wants us to trust Him with the matters of our lives. But more than that, He longs to connect with our hearts. And we are created for a close relationship with Him.

This truth should immerse our prayer lives also. When we approach Him in prayer, what are really driving us towards Him? Problems? Fears? Or deep longings for Him?

When I come to learn this truth, I realize somehow, there are some misunderstanding about God which I need to renounce. One of the misunderstanding which often slipped into our mind is that for every problems which occurred in our life, God allows it to bring us closer to Him. No wonder we often equates prayer with petition. Yes, problems which occur may draw us closer (as at the same time, problems have the same probabilities to draw us away from God). What I learn is, God do have longing for us to draw closer to Him (far greater than what we can ever imagine really) but truly, He is not manipulating situation to take advantage of it, as our thoughts deceived us. How do I learn it? He has proved it more than 2.000 years ago. If problem is what we need to draw closer to God, Jesus did not have to come to this earth. The reason we are facing problems is firstly, we have a broken relationship with Him. It's not the problem which draw us closer to God. In the beginning, it is our state apart from God which draw problem into our lives. (You may want to read the Genesis to learn this truth).

Now that we have a restored relationship with God, through Jesus Christ, how do we approach God? The essence of prayer is not in the beauty of the words spoken, nor the length of time we spent. It's in connecting our hearts with His. Getting to know Him as He is. More than just having faith in His power, or hoping for His help. How do we draw near to Him, with a full heart, longing only for Him, to reveal Himself to us?

By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. "I will rise now," I said, "And go about the city; In the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love." I sought him, but I did not find him. (Song of Solomon 3:1-2-NKJV)

How many times do we come to the Lord in prayer, we long to seek Him and He alone? Forgetting our daily lives matter. Not saying a word of petition. Just come to meet Him. And talk to Him, and listen to Him, to know Him better. To really connect with Him. That's the true communion: intimacy with God. That's what true lovers do. Not coming to gain advantage of another. But simply come to relate, to connect, and to know another better. And that seeking is a passionate seeking. Just like the Shulamite in the verses above. She was seeking with all her heart for her love, till she went about the city, the streets and the squares. How passionate are we when we come to God in prayer? I'm not talking about when we desperately need for help, nor when we are joyful receiving blessings. I'm talking about a passion when we come to Him in prayer to have communion with Him. To really know Him and spend time with Him and grow in love with Him.

I'm still learning. When I think of my own prayer life, I have to admit, I have failed so many times to really come to God in prayer for the sake of knowing Him alone. Thank God, He is so gracious, that He taught me this truth. He reminds me of the longing of His heart for His children. As He promised:

Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, (Jeremiah 29:12-14a-NKJV)

The final question now is: Will I come to receive His promise? Will you?

Lord Jesus, thank You for the chance of coming to You in prayer. Please forgive me, for so many times I come with my list of petitions, and problems to solve. I forgot Your heart's desire in the first place is to commune with me. Let me long for You wholeheartedly. Grant me the fire of passion to know You more. Above and beyond my needs. Draw me closer for who You are, not for what I think I need. Jesus, help me to live my life in love with You. Let me pray, first and for all, in deep longing to meet You. In the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen.

FEAR

Lately, had been encounter several incidents which brought me to face...the very thing I tried to avoid...spelled F-E-A-R.

This is not the topic I like to talk about, nor write. But, guess I still have to face this particular matter and jot it down, to remind myself of the most important issue.

What I had experienced is somehow, God arranged for me to receive unexpected blessings, go to a beautiful place of leisure, located in another country, had a great weekend with my bosses and colleagues, and...faced one of my biggest fear...get myself really deep into the water.

Don't get me wrong, I like playing with water. Thought it took me about 5 years just to learn to swim (and my swimming ability is set to so very basic level till today--talked about my physical ability which is far from ideal :P), I do love to go swimming. But having flood for the past several months, which caused me to walk in water (yes, not yet walk on water :P) for 3 hours to reach a safer place has caused my heart somehow sink when it comes to water. Like one friend put it, just like a cat...

Yet, not long after that incident, I got the chance which I never thought I would, never prayed about it, never even dreamed about it. I was going to scuba diving! And I thought, God, You really got a HUGE sense of humour.

And so, slowly pacing myself, I set my heart to finish the basic course of scuba diving. And of course, just like my swimming lesson, I didn't pass the course, though I followed all the activity till the end. (just not finished the whole exercises :( )

Somehow, there are many lessons which I got through that experience. One of it is that fear is somehow can be detached from action, by the grace of God, of course. If people saw me, jumping into the water every time, somehow people would think that I was very courageous. NOT SO. Actually, I was terrifying inside. Particularly, the moment I had to step out from the boat, with all the heavy equipments attached to my body. I was hardly moved though. The instructor words explaining somehow that I wouldn't sink, and I would be helped, certainly didn't cast away my fear. (Yes, that's why it took the instructor to count 1,2, 3 not 3 times, but 5 till 7 times repeatedly just to get me to jump from the boat and it happened every time I had to get into the water-- thank you very much for your patience anyway.) And if you wonder, if I am afraid, why would I do it in the first place??

Well, hard to explain, yet there are certain principles I have in life. One is that I believe that whatever happen, God is orchestrating it to teach me and to mold me. Yet, having such principle did not make me a courageous person. Instead, there's a lot of fear inside me. Somehow, I know that God gonna deals with it. But, I never expect it would be that soon. No, certainly not that soon after the flood. Till it happened. And knowing God, I knew He gave me choices. I could run away, or I could face it. He knew my feelings, He respected it.Yet He loves me more to see me grow, free from unhealthy fear. Learning from my past experience, I have come to 2 conclusions :

1. If you face it now, God will grant you the grace to see you through, though you may not feel it at the moment. It will be given just in time or before that:)

2. If you avoid it now, means you're pending the lesson, which also means, there will be another time for you to take the lesson. In other words, you can run, but you can't skip. Running just prolong the time, not excusing you of particular lesson.

So, whenever I face challenges, I ask myself, want to do it now or later? Later sometimes means greater difficulties. Now sometimes means, the perfect kairos of God.

Thus, I got into the water, and for the first time in my life, despite of all my pain in regards to breathing (even bleeding inside though I didn't realize it till the very last day), I come to know the beauty of underwater world.

But as it is written: "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him." (I Corinthians 2 :9-NKJV)

I mean, I have seen so many films picturing the underwater world. As beautiful as it may be shown, it didn't attract me to go on diving, at all. But having to see it live, swimming across thousands of fishes, with the beautiful colours and different shapes, does bring another awe to my heart.

And I come to the conclusion, the reason God bring me into 'difficult' situation, is not to torture me with fear. NOT AT ALL. He wanted to show me the beauty of His created nature. I have always enjoyed the beautiful scenery of His created nature, but only half of it. Till I dived, I only enjoyed the half part, the upper part of this beautiful earth. Then, I come to see the beauty of another half, the under part.

Two interesting things are, the first time I got myself into the deep water, I couldn't enjoy any of those beautiful views, because I was so busy breathing!!! I had to practice breathing using my mouth, inhale the oxygen from the regulator, exhale out through the regulator, and learn not to use my nose at all. There were several times I was panic when I couldn't breathe properly, or when the salty water get into my nose, and I was about to give up. Many thoughts were running into my mind, and I had to push to really stick to new style of breathing to survive. Then I realized, if it's not because of the grace of God, I wouldn't be there even in the first place, and so I learned to let go my fear and let God pour out His grace to keep me from sinking :P (yes, He equipped me with lots of great instructors:D) The second time I got into the water, I started to enjoy the beautiful view, and I almost forgot breathing, seeing the breathtaking view :P Thank God, I was reminded the most important principle in scuba diving: always remember to breathe, slowly and regularly. Never ever hold your breath. Then, come the third, and so on. I kept on going, despite of my fear and pain and bleeding, eager to see, what else God wanted for me to see. Of course, since now you're reading this blog, I returned safe and sound. :)

Certainly, it's not only the wonder of experiences I want to share here. I write this because, there are still another fears I have to face, and I need to remind myself of the lessons I learned so far, especially about characters of God. This brought me to another verse, which related to the first verse above:

For since the beginning of the world Men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, Nor has the eye seen any God besides You, Who acts for the one who waits for Him. (Isaiah 64:4-NKJV)

The first verse above from I Corinthians is very often quoted, and has become the favourite verse of many people. But the second verse from Isaiah, is actually the first time the wonder of never heard and seen ever recorded in the Word of God. Every true wonder that we can ever experience, which we never seen, never heard, never even entered into our hearts, will revealed the Wonderful God behind it. Yes, we have to come to Him with fear and trembling. Still, many times, we are hindered by another kind of fear. Fear of anything besides God. And as one woman of God put it, you can not fear God completely if you still have another fear in your life.

It doesn't mean that once you fear the Lord, all other feelings of fear will certainly vanish. From what I experience, the fear of the Lord does give you grace, to take the action despite all the fears you have inside. I have to learn to trust God, which is far greater than all of my fears, and fear Him more than anything else. That draw me to key of living no fear: Fear the Lord with all your heart. What a beauty of an irony! Only then, God can really free us from all of our fears, when we draw near to Him and wait for Him to acts on our behalf, carrying us across the deep jungle of our fears and bringing us to the open highland of true freedom. The question left now is : Will I choose to fear Him and trust Him? Or I choose to fear other thing and trust my own feelings?

In the midst of my fear, I look to You. I know You have a plan, which I hardly comprehend right now. I know the truth, and hunger for more, yet it doesn't free me from my fear. What I need right now is Your perfect love, which casts out all my fears, and brings me to one fear only, fear of You alone. In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

In the waiting...

When you're waiting...it's very comforting to know that there is a verse for it, and also song about it, which reminds you of basic truth.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry. -Habakkuk 2:3(NKJV)

UNTIL
Dave Clark and Mark Harris

Is it unfair
To say that You are leading
Then try and face this mountain on my own
Why am I scared
I've never stopped believing
And You have never left me all alone
Well I could get ahead of where You've led me to
But I will trust Your heart enough to wait for You

Chorus:

Until this mountain moves
Until the path is clear
Until Your voice is the only one that I can hear
Until I see Your hand
Until I know Your heart
Until I trust the grace that's carried me this far
I will be still until

How could I
Have never seen this coming
It's not like I've been running
From Your will
Tell me why
Each day's another mystery
Waiting for Your truth to be revealed
I try to tell my heart to trust what I believe
And wait on You through all my uncertainty

Repeat Chorus

Be still my heart of worry
Be still my restless soul
Be confident and certain
Be still and know

Repeat Chorus

Lord Jesus, You know the restlessness of my heart. You know my confusion. Still, I have committed to You, I would only go to the place where You lead. Let me not run away from You, just to fulfill the urgency of my heart. Teach my heart...Pour into it, the Perfect Love, which casts out all fear...and grows the first virtue of Love...PATIENCE.

Longing for You

Listen to the aching of my heart, O Lord
For You‘re the only One who know things untold
Day and night my heart is in trouble
Facing the ups and downs of daily battle

My heart is set on You Lord
For I know only You alone
That can fulfill my greatest needs
No matter what the situation indeed

Come to me, Lord, at this moment
Your presence is the best present
No greater love, no greater grace
In my life that I ever face

Beyond my wildest dream, my deepest desire
Your love has put my heart on fire
Carve an unforgettable mark in my life
Forever it will shine so bright

~ 1st April 2005~

In the midst of the longing of my heart...Got reminded how in the past there were times when I missed You, and still...You are faithful, and I live in that assurance...In Your unfailing love, and amazing grace.