More to this life

Do you ever feeling that what you do right now is just a vanity? That no matter how hard you tried, in the end, you’re facing the same old bulk of dissatisfaction and emptiness. Just like the wise man once said: all is vanity and grasping for the wind. (Ecclesiastes 1:14-NKJV)

Many things could happen which drive us to that point: high tide of modern lifestyle (where everybody is racing like horse, out to win in this life, whether it is financial, achievements, or even love life), the hard pressed facts which come and go in this life. At times we try to convince ourselves that it can be solved somehow, and we're out to solve it. Some have given up, some still trying, and some keep on trying not because it works, but because got no other (better) idea to replace it. So, they keep on pushing it, in the hope to achieve 'it' someday. It's like the carrot tied ahead just for us to keep on running without ever a slight chance for us to grab it. Well, sometimes, life does hit us like that.

Some people think the answer is in the wealth. (and so people 'all out' to achieve it). Some thoughts it's in the relationship with someone special. (and so the quest for 'true love' begins). Some thoughts it's in achievements. (and the striving to be the best starts.) It's not that all of those three things above are all wrong. But there is something more to this life. We know it, because somehow, we long for it. And things that we thought are the answer, in the end, are not really the answers at all.

As Christians, sadly, we are not immune to those feelings. Questions come continuously. Unanswered questions like: What am I doing here? Why am I ‘working’ this hard? Where am I going? Why do I feel sad and exhausted and dissatisfied? What is wrong anyway with me? etc. It’s inevitably invading our mind, whether we admit it or not. Though we know that in every man’s heart, there is a hole which no one and nothing can ever fill, except God Himself. Yet, as much as we know about it in our mind (we might as well repeat to ourselves every times we feel the emptiness), it doesn't help a lot to soothe the feelings away. And if this continues on, the big well of depression is waiting on the other side, ready to catch us if we sink deeper and deeper...

In my walk with God, I’m so glad that I’ve been to that point, to the part of pilgrimage called the wilderness. All the people of God have been through it. Included Jesus Himself. Some have passed it successfully to the other part. Some just get in and hardly getting it through and many were died in the wilderness…

Today, I can say I am so grateful that I get into the wilderness with Him. No, don’t think that I’ve done with my pilgrimage with God. As long as I’m still breathing, I‘m still walking, still learning, still growing, and prayerfully, by the grace of God…still persevering. But as much as I learned from Him, through all the storms and blessings, the downs and ups, the pain and joy, the emptiness and fullness of life, this is one of what I’ve found which not only helpful, but also I will treasure for the rest of my life:

The feeling of vanity which we don’t like and trying so hard to avoid, is actually an ‘invitation’. It is an invitation of love, which last not only a lifetime but also for eternity.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11-NKJV)

Every time you feel vain, it’s a ring of invitation to answer the eternity call which God has put in your heart. Every time you feel restlessness, it’s a longing God has put in your heart to call out for Him. And until you found Him (which what really happened is He found you instead), meeting Him face to face, and commune with Him, that deep desire shall not ever be quenched.

We often misunderstood it, thinking that there’s got to be something we need to do or achieve. Well, good rest and right consumption do help in terms of body fatigue. Refreshment may sometimes needed by the soul. But in this vanity affair, the root of the problem is in the spirit. As one man of God put it, the heart of the matter is the matter of heart.

I believe it’s not a coincidence that in the bible, Song of Solomon is located right after the Ecclesiastes. Both of these books were written by Solomon, the richest and wisest man ever alive. Chronologically, the Ecclesiastes, which talked about the vanity of life, should be placed after Song of Solomon, which pictured a love story. But to our learning, it is put vice versa, for the answer in the Ecclesiastes is found in the Song of Solomon.

As to our heart, God wants it whole. Not in part, not even the greatest part of it. We may look at the cross, and realize how much God love us for it is showed there, the very proof of His love to us. We may remember the empty grave, and awe by the power of His love which conquered the death. But until we walk with Him in the wilderness, we may never step into the deep, behind the veil, the place where we are stripped of those which are temporary and vain, in order for us to receive a better part, something which is last forever.

We may start our journey with God, thinking in our hearts: My beloved is mine, and I am His. (Song of Solomon 2:16-NKJV) But approaching the end, we finally realize: I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine. (Song of Solomon 6:3 -NKJV)

It may seem so subtle for the difference, but when you experience it, you know there is huge difference between the two. In the end, what God really wants and what we really longing for is described beautifully as:

Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved? (Song of Solomon 8:5-NKJV)

And if you wonder why it is so hot in the wilderness, it’s just the perfect situation to reflect one of the characteristic of love, as it is written:

Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.
(Song of Solomon 8:6-NKJV)

Yes, we will go through death and fire for true love. But it’s worth it. All the pain, the tears, shall turn into joy and gladness. The fullness of joy, which we experience in the presence of God, shall never be compared to anything. We may not always experience the great feelings throughout the journey. There were times when He seemed to hide Himself. But if we know, it’s just of the sign of how He loves us, longing for us to search and longing more of Him, we may set in our heart to go all the way for Him, and Him alone.

Lord, thank You for leading me into the wilderness. Thank You for loving me that much for me to experience all that I don’t want in the first place. Thank You for letting me facing all the impossibilities, so I can receive Your faith. Thank You for all the sorrow, so I can trade it with Your joy. Thank You for all the discouragement, so I can experience Your encouragement and extend it to others. Thank You for bringing me to place where I have no strength to carry on, for I learn to draw strength from the abundance of Your grace. Thank You for the chance of being betrayed, so I learn to forgive and to cherish Your faithfulness. Thank You for feelings of hopelessness, so I come to know the true hope I found in You. Thank You for the feeling of emptiness, so I may accept the true fulfillment in You. Thank you for the feelings of vanity, for through it I come to know the meaning of life. For as much as it may seemed lost, nothing is really ever lost, for I gained much more than what I ever dreamed of. Thank You for everything You have taught me all along the journey, but above all, thank You for letting me knowing and loving You.

~ Dedicated to someone who has been spending long hours of working and wondering… I’m no better than you…but this is the grace and revelation which give me strength to carry on so far; one day at a time, one favor to savor. Hope this writing could bless you, as it reminds me again of what I’ve learned lately. Praying for you to meet Him at the level where He wants to meet you. God bless you.~

Short One # 3

Just want to thank God for what happened recently. Tight schedule with tons of workloads, at office and home--quite tiring rally actually, combined with minimum hours of sleep per day :( It's like I'm being stretched to maximum, and being so grateful being able to turn to God everytime I need it. So, one grace at a time, and one favor to savor. At least, now I can exhale...for a while:) -finally finished! Thank You, Lord :)

On the other hand, guess I miss the time of blogging, with God and the bible and the songs...pouring out what I believe spoken into my heart. Praying that somehow, God's grace may also grant to me to continue on writing...

You know exactly what needs to be done...

GRANT

Finally, able to unpack my things after weeks moving back to my own house (being so packed with work lately, and even in this long weekend, packed with another work). In the process of the unpacking, I found some of interesting memorabilia from the past...one of my old poems scribbled in the piece of paper...(well, what can I say, I'm the type of inspirational writer when it comes to poetry, means I only write when the inspiration come :P--and many times I can only find a piece of paper). Can't believe I still keep it, in the most raw form as it is...:D

Guess it's about time to document this poem 'properly', just as a reminder to myself, how simple things, that mark our walk with God, may sometimes seemed 'just gone, swallowed by the time'; but in fact, it's not 'gone' at all. Out of sight or mind maybe, but not out of keep. Coming to such(unexpected) finding brings out the warmth feelings, how faithful God is to us and how He remember everything little thing about us, even those tiny bits we are unaware of...what a wonderful grant :)


GRANT

When it comes to pain
Nobody can really explain
It's like being caught in vain
Nothing we can offer to bargain

We wish for a rainbow after the rain
All we want after a loss is a gain
But it doesn't go with the main
And we're back in the first place again

Then the act of grace begin
Holy Saviour for the sinners slain
His blood washes all our stain
Against His love nothing can stand

Now it's the start of the grand
Everything turns so plain
Miracle isn't just for the saint
But also for the people of grain

~ 3rd March 2000~

Seven years have passed...and it's so true of this simple truth : For your love is better than wine. (Song of Solomon 1:2-NKJV)